“Will I ever find love?”
At some point in our lives, many of us have pondered over this fact.
We may have a very real fear of never finding love (or finding love again). This can make it difficult to open ourselves up to future possibilities.
Society has led us all to believe that we’re supposed to be in love and that finding love is this ROMCOM experience where we will ultimately find the one and live happily ever after.
Nope. It doesn’t really work like this
So, we ask questions like “Will I ever find love” “Will I ever fall in love again” or “How do I find the one?”
These questions are going about it all wrong!
Love is not this tangible thing you can chase and nail down as these questions suggest. Movies and media have wooed us into false beliefs that you can just find somebody to love the same way you can find a new outfit.
Then, when you don’t find love that easily, you feel defeated, like something is wrong with you or that you aren’t ever going to find love.
The great thing about love, though, is that it’s repeatable, infinite, and can be found pretty much everywhere. No matter how many times you’ve been in love, you can be in love again! You don’t have a quota on how much love you can have in one lifetime.
If you’re curious about how to find love, read on for some tips to open your mind and your heart to new love and manage your fear of being single forever so you can get out there to meet potential partners!
Can I be in love again?
Getting over a bad breakup, particularly with someone you thought was “the one” can be tough on your ego, heart, and mind. Clients in this situation often ask me “will I ever find love again?” Of course! Having been in love with one person does not limit you from finding love with another.
Think about all of the people you love right now. Loving one sibling doesn’t mean you can’t love another. Loving friends you had before hasn’t stopped you from loving the ones you’re meeting now. Love is plentiful and infinite. Stop believing you’ve met your love quota!
How to control the fear of never finding love
It’s normal and valid to be afraid of never finding love. When something doesn’t happen easily or quickly, we can drop into worry and doubt.
But, you don’t have to stay there!
Your emotions and thoughts are linked, so changing what you think about you can help change how you feel.
For example, a thought like “Will I ever find love?” might cause anxiety and worry. It makes it sound like love is elusive and you aren’t capable of finding it.
Here are some things to consider if you want to be in love again but find yourself afraid you can’t be.
1. The one is a myth!
The idea that there is only one person out there for you is craziness. There are 7 billion people on the earth. 7 billion. The likelihood that there are many people who are a great match for you, during any season of your life, is pretty high!
Someone you meet right now may be a great match for you now, and then as you grow and change, someone else out there is growing and changing too. You two might be a great match in the future. The possibilities are endless when it comes to romantic partners. You just have to believe it!
Although the idea of the one isn’t really true, you can absolutely be happy with only one person your whole life if you two commit to doing the work to keep your relationship healthy.
Check out this video to learn more on the subject:
2. Love is not a finite resource
When it comes to the human experience, there’s really only one thing that’s finite. Time. It does run out.
But, love does not!
There isn’t a cap or a quota on how much love one person can give or receive.
Just because you’ve experienced love before, doesn’t mean you can’t again, and again, and again. You are the only one who decides if you can love again, not other people or your romantic circumstances.
If you want more love, get after it!
3. Your beliefs matter
The things you think about yourself and the world are more powerful than you may know. If you believe you can’t find love, you probably won’t. Your brain will believe you when you say you can’t…and will sabotage your chances to further confirm the thought that you can’t.
If you want to be in love again, you need to believe that you can be! Why should someone else believe you can find love again if you don’t?
4. Love requires you to show up
The idea that “someday love will find you” is a bit overrated.
Love doesn’t usually just fall in your lap. Love is grown and cultivated and requires tending to like a garden. Although love can happen very quickly, it still requires both partners to be open to working for it, giving it, and receiving it.
If you find yourself asking “When will I find love?” you have the answer already. When you choose to find it and go after it, instead of waiting for it to find you.
5. Know you are already whole
Building your self-esteem is an everyday task. There will be days when you will feel fallen and scattered. On such days, you have to tell yourself that you don’t need any other person to complete you.
What you are and what you are becoming make you worthy of love and it starts with loving yourself first.
Related Reading: I Need You To Know That Self-Love Is A Slow Process & It’s Okay If You Struggle At Times
Explore what else could be true here. By introducing a new, more helpful thought you can shift your thinking and your feelings too.
Some examples might be: “I am capable of finding love.” “I am worthy of finding love.” “I am looking for a new love, and I will find it.”
Practice monitoring your thoughts and see if you can reframe them. Having a great mindset is the key to a satisfying and fulfilling life. If you believe you are worthy and capable, you will show up in a way that supports that belief.
Remember: love does not run out and there is more than enough to go around!