“Breakups aren’t always as clean as we would like them to be” – Samantha Rodman LCSW-C/LADC
When you’re feeling distant from your partner, it can be hard to think positively about the relationship. You might start to see all the things you don’t like about your partner and start to question why you still have them in your life. This way of thinking isn’t healthy for you or your relationship. Sometimes relationships aren’t perfect, but they still have much to offer.
When you’re apart from your partner, it can be easy to feel like everything is hopeless. But is it really?
Let’s discuss this further.
What is relationship separation anxiety?
Relationship separation anxiety is a feeling of genuine fear, anxiousness, and panic when being away from their partner. It can be an unusually strong fear or anxiety that results from separating from your partner, being away from someone you love, or someone you feel strongly attached to.
It could result from a past traumatic experience, such as being deserted or abandoned by their partner.
Is separation depression a thing? When you desperately miss someone, it could also be due to a general feeling of insecurity or unease in the relationship.
There are many physical symptoms of missing someone you love or relationship separation anxiety. The symptoms of relationship separation anxiety typically vary from person to person and depend on the circumstances. Common symptoms include excessive worrying about your relationship, frequent crying, feeling trapped, and losing interest in daily activities.
10 reasons why it hurts to be away from your partner
Why do I get anxious when my partner leaves? I feel sad when I’m not with my boyfriend or girlfriend.
There are many reasons why it hurts to be away from your partner, the most important one being that it’s because you deeply care for them. When you’re apart, it can be difficult to focus on anything else but how much you miss them.
Feeling lonely when boyfriend or girlfriend leaves? Here are 10 reasons why it hurts to be away from your partner:
- The sudden change can seem unwelcoming
When you’re apart, it can be hard to keep up with the new routine and see your partner every once in a while.
As you try to settle into a new normal, you may find yourself feeling more stressed or lonely than usual. This can be especially tough if you’re worried about what the future holds and what will happen next in your life.
Some people feel a sense of security when they’re close to their partner and feel calmer around them. When you’re apart, it can be hard to rely on yourself and build new relationships.
It can be hard to meet new people and become more confident when you’re by yourself. You may start to think that you’re better off with your partner around all the time.
This can lead you to get into an unhealthy relationship where you’re constantly relying on your partner to feel calm and safe, and secure.
- You feel lost
You may feel like you’re missing something when you and your partner are apart. When you spend time with them, you feel more complete and can forget about your problems for a while.
When you’re apart, it can be hard to focus on anything else, and your thoughts may constantly return to how much you want to be with your significant other. This can make you feel stressed out and stuck.
- Your childhood attachment style matters
The strategies you used to cope with stress when you were growing up can have a direct impact on the way you cope with separation from your partner now. If you tend to rely on your partner for comfort and security, it could be difficult to feel okay when you’re away from them.
You may be used to having your partner there to keep you safe and help you relax. When you’re apart, finding your own coping mechanisms and feeling safe can be difficult.
Whether you are the pleaser, the victim or the controller, your upbringing is largely responsible for that. Watch this video to see how your childhood might have affected who you are:
- You become anxious
You may be experiencing something called anticipatory anxiety when you are away from your partner, and you worry about what will happen when you meet up again. This type of anxiety can make you feel tense, uneasy, and stressed out.
You may even have physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or trouble sleeping because you are so worried about being apart from your partner.
It can also make it difficult to focus on anything else and keep your mind off of your worries about not seeing them again right away.
- You start to focus on the negatives
If you are wondering why it hurts to be away from your partner, know that when you’re separated from your partner, you get used to living with them around you and constantly hearing their side of the argument or story. When they’re gone, you may start to focus on the negative aspects of your relationship.
- You become resentful
When you first start feeling distant from your partner, it can be easy to tell yourself that it has nothing to do with how you feel about them, it’s just because they’re always doing things to upset you.
It’s easy to think that the only reason you’re not together is because you didn’t do enough to keep them together or because you weren’t strong enough to keep them around.
But even if you’re tempted to feel this way, it’s important to resist it. It’s normal to experience feelings of resentment\ when you’re apart from your partner, but it’s not healthy, and it’s not fair to you or to them.
- You start to lose hope
When you’re feeling lost and disconnected from your partner, it can be difficult to have any hope for the future. You may wonder if your relationship is still salvageable or not, and you may worry that if it ends, you won’t ever find anyone else that you want to spend your life with.
- Your communication is less effective when you both are away
When you experience stress from being apart from your partner, you may say or do things that you don’t mean, and this can make it harder to communicate and connect with each other.
- It’s hormonal to hurt when you are away from your partner
Research has found that there are hormones in your body that help regulate your relationship with your partner.
What happens when two people miss each other a lot? Why can’t I sleep when my partner is away?
Well, the hormone oxytocin helps to make you more loving and trusting of your significant other, while the hormone vasopressin causes feelings of fear and separation in stressful situations.
When you’re away from your partner, these hormones may start to kick in and make it harder for both of you to feel close to each other while you’re apart.
How do you deal with being away from your partner?
There’s no easy answer when it comes to being away from your partner, but there are some steps you can take to make the process a little easier.
- First, try to control yourself from checking on them a lot. It’s easy to get sucked into their world and miss out on your own, but that’s not always healthy. Instead, focus on your own routine and take care of yourself.
- You can also share your worries about distance with your partner—this could open a dialogue where each person expresses their feelings about the separation.
- Next, spend some time with other people, so you don’t feel lonely or neglected, and focus on your needs and wants in a healthy and self-nurturing way. Keeping yourself occupied will help you find happiness in other things apart from your partner.
- Create your new routine. It may seem tempting to come home after work and immediately reach for your phone to see what your partner is doing, but starting a new routine will actually make it easier to adjust to the time apart. Your partner will have his or her own schedule too, so try not to compare yours to theirs.
- Make a conscious effort not to compare your relationship to others. Even if you feel like you’re not doing so well, this is the quickest way to be upset by your partner’s successes or failures when they’re far away. Instead, focus on your own growth and relationships.
- Surround yourself with people who care about you and give you the strength you need to be happy during tough times.
- Take things slowly and remember to take breaks for yourself. It’s important to do this so you can recharge your energy and avoid feeling overwhelmed during this time of transition. It’s also important to practice good self care.