What is the dismissive avoidant attachment style?
Dismissive avoidant attachment style is a personality type characterized by strong feelings of detachment and lack of interest in close relationships. Individuals with this style are often uncomfortable and anxious in close social situations, and they typically have difficulty forming meaningful connections with others.
Causes of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style
There are many possible causes of dismissive avoidant attachment. They can be broken down into five main categories: environmental, relational, self-object relations, cognitive and emotional.
Because attachment theory[1] is based on how we interacted with parents and caregivers in our youth, it makes sense that the causes of this attachment style will stem from the environment we were raised in. A childhood spent in an abusive or neglectful environment can set the stage for the development of a hostile and mistrusting worldview later in life. Other environmental factors that may contribute to dismissive avoidant attachment include family dysfunction, such as alcoholism and mental illness.
It’s believed that dismissive-avoidant[2] attachment occurs because a baby or small child doesn’t get the attention or care he or she needs from his or her caregiver(s). This often causes the child to feel abandoned or rejected by the caregiver(s), which triggers feelings of anxiety, depression and loneliness. This feeling of helplessness can lead to detachment from the caregiver(s), which in turn reinforces the sense of rejection and leads to further detachment from the caregiver(s), and so on.
Characteristics of Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style
Attachment styles are related to various psychological characteristics. One of the most frequently studied styles is dismissive-avoidant attachment.
Avoidant attachment[1] is characterized by ambivalence, distancing and disengagement from emotional intimacy. In other words, avoidant individuals tend to avoid getting too close to others or to express their feelings openly for fear of being rejected. When faced with conflict, these individuals tend to remain detached and avoid getting involved. They often engage in dysfunctional coping mechanisms such as denial and passive aggression in order to avoid dealing with problems in a relationship.
Avoidant-dismissive attachment traits is characterized by a fear of intimacy, a fear of being abandoned, and a belief that there is no hope for relationship improvement. These individuals often have difficulty trusting others and rely on third parties to help them form relationships. They tend to be insecure and to rely heavily on outside sources for approval and support. They tend to prefer relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable and avoidant individuals.
Abuse:[3] The belief that others are abusive, manipulative, selfish, or looking to hurt them. Anger: Expressing anger is often thought of as an effective way to express one’s emotions. But it can be harmful to oneself and others in the long run. Insecurity:
Feeling uncertain about oneself and about future situations, leading to low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence.
Fear of rejection: This schema develops primarily[4] from verbal, physical or sexual abuse or from a parent who was unpredictable or distant when expressing love. Depression: Feelings of hopelessness, sadness and despair can lead to depression.
Guilt: Feelings of guilt can cause depression and anxiety. These feelings can develop over a wide range of issues including guilt over a personal weakness or mistake, feeling guilty about being unloved or unappreciated, or feeling guilty over a lack of affection.[5]
Effects of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style
Dismissive avoidant attachment is a personality disorder characterized by intense and pervasive fear of abandonment, which leads to a reluctance to form relationships and a lack of empathy.
The impact of dismissive avoidant attachment style on romantic relationships is discussed in Attachment Theory. Know the effects of dismissive avoidant attachment style below:
Affectionate-vulnerable attachment style (most common in young children) is characterized by warmth and comfort towards the partner, as well as an emotional dependence on the partner. Adults[1] with an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style are the opposite of those who are ambivalent or anxious-avoidant; they tend to avoid relationships and appear detached or unemotional. While some of the symptoms of an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style (such as frequent episodes of feeling emotionally numb) overlap with the symptoms of other attachment styles, it is distinct from anxious-avoidant attachment style in that it involves a fear of being abandoned and avoiding intimacy, but not a fear of being emotionally[2] close.
People with an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style tend to mistrust others and be suspicious of their intentions, and as a result, may have difficulty forming close friendships and romantic relationships. They also tend to have low emotional intelligence and are more likely than people with other attachment styles to be abusive in their relationships. People with an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style generally avoid close relationships, and avoidant individuals tend to view intimacy as risky, and often have difficulty trusting others.
Tips to Build a Healthier Attachment Style
As humans, we are constantly seeking ways to improve our lives. This desire to be healthy extends beyond our own personal health, to the well-being of those around us as well. Having a healthy attachment style is one of the best ways to achieve wellness and a happier life. Although having a secure attachment to others is important for all aspects of our life, it is especially important for our romantic relationships. The “Secure Attachment”[1] style is one of the most positive and healthy attachment styles. Here is how to build that relationship and make it last for a lifetime!
Secure Attachment
A person with a secure attachment style has a consistent, trusting relationship with their partner that is marked by high closeness and low anxiety. One of the factors that define this style is the ability to comfortably express your feelings and needs without fear of rejection or abandonment by your partner. The Secure Attachment style[2] is characterized by the following characteristics:
- Open communication
- Flexible expectations
- Good conflict resolution skills
- Self-awareness
- Encouragement for independence
- Acceptance of differences
- Trustworthiness
- Compassion towards self and others
- Security in the relationship
- Insecure Attachment
A person with an insecure attachment style tends to form inconsistent and unstable relationships with their partners that are marked by low intimacy and high anxiety. Some of the characteristics that define a deficient attachment include:
- Difficulty trusting others
- Difficulty expressing feelings
- Difficulty accepting help
- Fear of being abandoned
- Difficulty forming close relationships
- Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem
If you are reading this article, it is likely that you either have an attachment style that needs to be improved or you’re in a relationship with someone that has this deficiency. If that is the case, you’re not alone.
People suffering from insecure attachment tend to have problems in their personal relationships and often find it difficult to make long-term commitments. Social isolation[4] is also common for people with insecure attachment styles.
The good news is that these problems can be overcome with a little bit of work and patience. Building a secure relationship with your significant other doesn’t have to be difficult.
To build a secure relationship you need to be open about your needs and emotions with your partner. Don’t be afraid to express how you feel instead of bottling things up inside.
It is also important to focus on communication[5] and trust with your partner. Make sure that you are honest and forthcoming in your interactions with your partner. This will help develop a strong bond between the two of you that will help you overcome your fears and build a stronger emotional bond with your partner.
* It’s critical that you keep an open line of communication with your significant other because this will help the two of you to develop a deep emotional connection with each other.
* Learn healthy ways[6] to communicate by practicing active listening, validating your partner and recognizing how you react when things don’t go your way. Try to figure out what triggers your emotional responses so that you can avoid overreacting in the future.
* Establish ground rules for your relationship to ensure that you both feel respected, accepted and understood.
* Focus on mutual respect, guidelines, and expectations.
* Be patient with your partner. Remember that everyone makes mistakes from time to time. So try to put your own insecurities aside and give your partner a chance to improve your relationship.
– Avoid playing the blame game and take responsibility for your own actions
– Try not to get into arguments and avoid fights
– Make time for each other and make time for yourselves
– Give your partner some space when they need it
– Don’t bring up past arguments and mistakes
– Learn to listen to your partner and actively listen to what they are saying
– Find out what your partner is afraid of and try to understand them
– Try not to make assumptions
– Don’t be selfish and don’t take your partner for granted
– Don’t play the victim
– Don’t be mean and hurtful
– Don’t use sarcasm
– Don’t be sarcastic
– Be respectful
– Don’t bring up past mistakes
– Don’t bring up past fights
– Don’t criticize your partner’s friends
– Don’t be defensive–don’t put your partner[8] on the defensive in front of friends
– Don’t embarrass your partner in public by arguing.
