What Is Disarming a Narcissist: 12 Ways of Disarming a Narcissist

What is disarming a narcissist?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the best way to disarm a narcissist may vary depending on the particular situation.

It is important to understand what does disarming the narcissist mean. According to the book “Narcissism 101”, “disarming a narcissist involves getting out of the narcissist’s way without allowing them to get under your skin.” 

It further explains the importance of maintaining your boundaries when dealing with a narcissist. 

However, this doesn’t mean that you should never try to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist; it simply means that you should attempt to do so while maintaining your own boundaries and self-respect.

While breaking up with a narcissist may not be easy, equipping yourself with a solid plan, understanding their typical reactions of rage and blame and seeking professional help makes it possible.

Do narcissists deliberately pick fights with their partners?

There’s a lot of debate around the topic of narcissists and fighting, with some people believing that narcissists purposefully pick fights with their partners in order to feel powerful and in control, while others argue that narcissists can’t control their anger, and that fights occur[1] simply because of the narcissist’s lack of empathy. 

I believe that the answer to this debate lies somewhere in the middle – while it’s true that narcissists tend towards aggression and violence, they also tend to behave this way because they lack emotional regulation skills, and they have a hard time controlling their impulses. As a result, they tend to lash out at their partner whenever they’re upset or angry. “Try to empathise[2] with their feelings”, advises psychologist Harriet Lerner, “If you are with a narcissist, it does not mean that you have fallen out of love; it means that you are still in love with the person but have come to recognise that this is not the right person for you.” 

However, it’s important to bear in mind that no two relationships are the same, and not all relationships will end in divorce.

Will praising a narcissist make him calm?

Many people believe that praising a narcissist will help him calm down and become more manageable. This belief is based on the false assumption that narcissists need praise to feel good about themselves.

However, the best way to handle a narcissist[1] is not to praise him. Instead, we should ignore his bad behavior and deal with the situation in an appropriate way. For example, if a narcissist starts acting up in public, we should speak to him in a calm but firm voice instead of giving him praise or attention. If we continue to give praise to a narcissist, he will become even more uncontrollable and volatile.

The best tactic to beat a narcissist[2] is to remain in complete control of your emotions. If a narcissist acts out, it is natural to become angry or upset, but you must resist the urge to lash out at him. If you allow yourself to become too emotional, you will be less likely to stay calm and think clearly about the situation.

When you keep your emotions and language in check, you disarm the narcissist, and he is left to his own devices. “Your Anger Is Not My Responsibility”[3] is a slogan that narcissists[4] often chant during arguments, and it is a common tactic for them to blame you for their anger or abusive behavior. By refusing to accept this blame, you can keep your cool and regain control of the situation. Eventually, the narcissist will get bored and lose interest in arguing with you.

12 Ways to Disarming a Narcissist

The relationship between narcissists and those around them can be incredibly damaging. The narcissistic personality disorder affects an individual’s sense of self-worth and can lead to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, need for attention, and lack of empathy.[1]

Here are 12 ways of disarming a narcissist so you can start living your life again!

Understand what the narcissist’s expectations are of you – They expect something from you that they expect you will fulfill without question. If and when you do not do this, they react negatively and feel betrayed or taken advantage of.

1. Know the narcissist’s[2] triggers – Knowing the narcissist’s triggers will help you to avoid them. This will help to prevent you from giving the narcissist the reaction that he or she craves.
2. Don’t fuel the narcissist’s fire – By fueling the narcissist’s fire, you are encouraging him or her to continue to obsess over you.
3. Don’t feed the narcissist’s ego – The narcissist has an inflated ego and will only respond to compliments if they are accompanied by an explanation for why they deserve the compliment. 

If you give a compliment without an explanation, the narcissist will not appreciate it and may even think that you are trying to flatter him/her to get something from him or her.

4. Don’t give narcissistic compliments – Narcissistic compliments are empty and meaningless to the narcissist and will do nothing to further your relationship with him or her. Instead, look for genuine ways to compliment the narcissist on his or her accomplishments and skills. This will make them happy and they will be more likely to reciprocate your kind words.
5. Don’t lower your expectations for the narcissist. You shouldn’t be anyone’s “sugar daddy” or “mommy.” The best thing you can do is remove yourself from the narcissist’s life entirely. Otherwise, the narcissist will continue to abuse and manipulate you and will continue to use and abuse you emotionally.
6. Don’t beg for forgiveness from the narcissist – If the narcissist accuses you of doing something wrong, don’t beg for forgiveness. Instead, acknowledge that you did something wrong, apologize, and move forward.
7. Don’t make excuses for the narcissist’s bad behavior. It is never acceptable for the narcissist to treat you poorly or belittle you. Never make excuses for the narcissist’s actions because this is not your responsibility and it will not get you anywhere with the narcissist. Simply tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated in the future.
8. Don’t allow the narcissist to blame you for his bad behavior. Never take the blame for what the narcissist has done wrong. He is solely responsible for his actions and it is unfair for you to be punished for them. Let him take responsibility for his mistakes and move on with your life.
9. Avoid contact with the narcissist after an argument – After you have had an argument with the narcissist, avoid contact with him or her until the two of you have cooled down. The narcissist may blame you for his bad behavior and attempt to convince you that you are wrong. Do not engage in arguments with the narcissist because this will only[8] prolong the argument and make you feel worse. Once the argument has settled, reach out to the narcissist to explain what happened and let him know that you miss him and wish things could be different. Be patient and compassionate during this time and remember that he will not be receptive to what you have to say at first, but in time, he will realize that you are right.
10. When the narcissist is arguing, respond with neutrality, boredom, or ambivalence. Do not argue back with him because it will only make him angry and will make the situation worse. Stand your ground and keep your composure no matter how badly the narcissist is treating you. It may take time for the narcissist to realize that you are on his side and that he should treat you better, but in time, he will begin to realize that you have his best interests at heart.
11. Avoid arguments[10] with a narcissist, because they will only prolong the argument and make you feel worse. Listen to what he has to say, but do not allow yourself to get caught up in his arguments. He will try to make you believe that he is right and that you are not justified in your feelings about the situation. Do your best to ignore the hurtful comments that he is making and try to remain calm and patient.
12. Narcissistic abusers enjoy[11] watching their partner be upset or hurt. They enjoy manipulating their partners into feeling bad about themselves and this makes them feel powerful and superior. Refrain from arguing with the narcissist because you will only prolong the argument and it will make your situation even worse.