13 THINGS TO EXPECT WHEN YOU STOP CHASING AN AVOIDANT

When you decide to stop chasing after someone who tends to avoid emotional closeness, it’s like stepping into a new chapter of your life. Expect changes in your feelings and the way you relate to that person. This journey brings both challenges and opportunities for personal growth. Let’s dive into 13 things you might experience as you let go and focus on your well-being.

What Is an Avoidant Attachment Style?

An avoidant attachment style is a way of relating to others, especially in close relationships, characterized by a discomfort with emotional intimacy and a tendency to keep emotional distance. Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may find it challenging to fully trust others and may be hesitant to rely on or open up to their partners. This style often develops due to early life experiences that taught the individual to be self-reliant and minimize the importance of emotional connections. People with an avoidant attachment style might appear independent, value autonomy, and struggle with vulnerability in relationships.

13 Things To Expect When You Stop Chasing an Avoidant

• Increased Emotional Space:

  • When you stop pursuing an avoidant individual, there’s room for emotional distance to grow.
  • Example: Instead of pushing for closeness, you allow them the space they need, reducing the emotional intensity in the relationship.

• Clarity in Communication:

  • Stepping back often leads to clearer communication patterns and a better understanding of each other’s needs.
  • Example: Rather than pushing for constant reassurance, you find that conversations become more straightforward and meaningful.

• The shift in Power Dynamics:

  • The power dynamics in the relationship may shift as you prioritize your needs and well-being.
  • Example: You regain a sense of control over your emotions and decisions, reducing dependence on the avoidant individual for validation.

• Personal Growth Opportunities:

  • Letting go creates space for personal growth and self-discovery.
  • Example: You explore new hobbies or interests, focusing on your individual development outside the relationship.

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• Potential for Reevaluation:

  • Both parties may have the chance to reassess the relationship and its significance in their lives.
  • Example: The avoidant individual may start recognizing the importance of emotional connection and reassess their approach to intimacy.

• Emotional Resilience:

  • You develop emotional resilience by learning to navigate challenges independently.
  • Example: Instead of relying on the avoidant individual for emotional support, you find strength within yourself during tough times.

• Less Emotional Turmoil:

  • Ceasing to chase reduces emotional turmoil and instability in the relationship.
  • Example: The constant cycle of pursuing and feeling rejected diminishes, leading to a more stable emotional environment.

• Possibility of Reciprocal Efforts:

  • As you step back, there’s room for the avoidant individual to recognize and reciprocate emotional efforts.
  • Example: They may start initiating meaningful conversations or expressing their feelings more openly.

• Increased Self-Reliance:

  • Letting go fosters greater self-reliance and a reduced dependence on external validation.
  • Example: You become more comfortable with your own company and less reliant on the avoidant individual for a sense of worth.

• Potential for Reconnection:

  • Creating space doesn’t necessarily mean permanent separation; there’s potential for reconnection on healthier terms.
  • Example: After the break, both individuals may approach the relationship with a renewed understanding and willingness to work on emotional intimacy.

• Awareness of Relationship Dynamics:

  • Letting go allows for a clearer awareness of the dynamics at play in the relationship.
  • Example: You gain insights into how avoidance patterns impact both of you, fostering a more informed approach to the relationship.

• Focus on Well-Being:

  • With reduced emphasis on chasing, you can redirect energy toward personal well-being.
  • Example: You prioritize self-care, emotional health, and overall happiness, irrespective of the avoidant individual’s actions.

• Potential for New Beginnings:

  • Letting go opens doors to new beginnings and opportunities, either within or outside the relationship.
  • Example: The relationship may evolve into a healthier, more balanced dynamic, or individuals may find new paths that align better with their personal growth.

How Would You Feel When You Stop Chasing an Avoidant? 

Stopping the pursuit of an avoidant brings relief, empowerment, and increased self-worth. It fosters emotional independence, acceptance of reality, peace of mind, and openness to new opportunities.

• Relief:

  • Stopping the pursuit of an avoidant individual can bring relief as you release the burden of trying to constantly connect with someone resistant to emotional intimacy.
  • Example: You feel a weight lifted off your shoulders, realizing that you no longer have to exert energy into chasing someone who isn’t reciprocating your efforts.

• Empowerment:

  • Ceasing to chase empowers you to prioritize your needs and well-being over constantly seeking validation from the avoidant person.
  • Example: You take charge of your emotional state and decisions, recognizing that your happiness is not solely dependent on the avoidant individual’s responses.

• Increased Self-Worth:

  • Stepping back allows you to focus on your value and self-worth independently of the avoidant individual’s actions.
  • Example: You realize that your worth isn’t determined by your level of emotional availability, boosting your self-esteem and confidence.

• Emotional Independence:

  • Letting go fosters emotional independence, as you learn to rely on yourself for emotional support and fulfillment.
  • Example: Instead of seeking constant reassurance from the avoidant person, you find solace in your emotional resilience and coping mechanisms.

• Acceptance of Reality:

  • You come to terms with the reality of the situation, acknowledging that the avoidant individual may not be capable of the emotional closeness you desire.
  • Example: Rather than dwelling on unmet expectations, you accept the limitations of the relationship and adjust your expectations accordingly.

• Peace of Mind:

  • Ending the chase brings peace of mind as you release the constant anxiety and uncertainty associated with pursuing someone who is emotionally distant.
  • Example: You experience a sense of calm, free from the turmoil of wondering whether your efforts will be reciprocated or if the avoidant person will pull away.

• Openness to New Opportunities:

  • Stopping the pursuit opens up opportunities for new connections and experiences, unencumbered by the dynamics of an avoidant relationship.
  • Example: You become more open to meeting new people, forming healthier relationships, and exploring avenues for personal and emotional growth beyond the avoidant individual.

How long does it take for an avoidant to come back?

The duration for an avoidant person to come back varies widely and depends on numerous factors, including the reasons for their avoidance, individual circumstances, and their willingness to address and overcome attachment challenges. Some avoidant individuals may never fully return, while others may take weeks, months, or even years, depending on the extent of personal growth and changes in their attachment patterns. It’s crucial to prioritize your well-being during this period and consider seeking professional guidance if needed.

FAQ

• Why Do People Chase Avoidant Partners?

Answer: People may chase avoidant partners due to a desire for validation, the belief they can change the person, or a fear of abandonment. Understanding one’s motivations is crucial for fostering healthier relationship dynamics.

• Is it Possible to Change an Avoidant Partner’s Behavior?

Answer: While personal growth is possible, changing someone else’s behavior is challenging. Open communication, mutual understanding, and, if needed, professional support can contribute to healthier relationship dynamics.

• What If an Avoidant Still Loves You?

Answer: Love alone may not resolve avoidant behavior. Open communication, addressing attachment patterns, and mutual efforts toward a secure attachment can contribute to a more fulfilling relationship.

• Why Do Avoidants Avoid You?

Answer: Avoidant individuals may avoid emotional intimacy due to fear of vulnerability, past attachment wounds, or a need for independence. Understanding these factors is essential for building a more secure connection.

• Is it common for avoidant individuals to fear commitment?

Answer: Yes, many avoidant individuals fear commitment due to concerns about loss of independence or past experiences of emotional discomfort. Fear of commitment can be a characteristic of avoidant attachment patterns.

Stepping back from chasing an avoidant brings relief, empowerment, and self-worth. It fosters emotional independence, acceptance, and opens doors to new opportunities. Prioritize well-being and understand the complexities involved.