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Your partner says, “It’s fine,” but you know it’s not. They take longer than usual to reply, and suddenly, you’re convinced they’re upset. A change in their tone, a shift in their routine, and you’re already preparing for the worst.
Why Do We Assume the Worst in Relationships?
The human brain is wired to fill in the blanks. It’s a survival instinct—if you hear rustling in the bushes, you assume danger rather than wait to confirm. But in love, this instinct can be destructive. We assume intentions, decode messages that aren’t there, and make conclusions without checking the facts.
Most assumptions in relationships come from:
- Past experiences (“Last time my ex pulled away, they were cheating. This must be the same.”)
- Personal insecurities (“They haven’t texted back—maybe they’re losing interest in me.”)
- Misinterpretation of tone and context (“They said ‘okay’ instead of ‘okay!’—are they mad at me?”)
- Fear of rejection (“They’re acting differently. Are they going to leave me?”)
When Bollywood Got It Wrong—And Right
Assumptions drive half of Bollywood’s dramatic conflicts. Remember Jab We Met? Geet’s family assumes she’s run away, Aditya assumes she’s moved on, and the chaos that follows is pure misunderstanding. In Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna, Dev assumes Maya loves him back with the same intensity. And who can forget Kuch Kuch Hota Hai—where Anjali assumes Rahul sees her only as a friend, and years are lost to miscommunication?
But sometimes, Bollywood gets it right. Take Dear Zindagi, where Alia Bhatt’s character learns through therapy that not every silence means rejection and not every delay means disinterest. The solution? Communication.
How Assumptions Damage Relationships
Unchecked assumptions don’t just cause temporary stress; they can lead to real damage.
They create unnecessary fights – If you assume the worst before talking, you’re already reacting to a problem that may not even exist.
They make you defensive – Instead of asking, you accuse. Instead of listening, you prepare to argue.
They chip away at trust – Constantly assuming your partner is hiding something makes them feel like they have to prove themselves all the time.
They push people away – No one wants to feel like they’re always being doubted or misread. Over time, it creates emotional exhaustion.
How to Stop Assuming and Start Understanding
- Pause Before You React
Instead of immediately believing the worst, take a breath. Ask yourself—Do I have actual proof, or am I filling in the blanks? - Ask, Don’t Assume
If something seems off, just ask. A simple “Hey, is everything okay?” can prevent hours (or days) of overthinking. - Check Your Own Biases
Are your assumptions based on past hurt? Personal insecurities? Social conditioning? Understanding where they come from helps break the cycle. - Clarify, Especially Over Text
Text messages lack tone. Instead of assuming a dry “Okay” means frustration, ask: “Hey, just checking—are we good?” - Trust More, Worry Less
Not every delay, every change in tone, or every silence means something negative. People have lives, moods, and distractions that have nothing to do with you. - Communicate Openly
If something bothers you, talk about it. If you’re feeling uncertain, express it. Assumptions thrive in silence, but honesty clears the air.
Give Your Partner the Benefit of the Doubt
Unless you have a solid reason not to, assume positive intent. Your partner is human, too, and sometimes, their actions (or lack of) have nothing to do with you.
Put yourself in others’ shoes.
On this hot growing topic says senior psychologist NUTAN KANTH From D.Y PATIL international university.
From my perspective as a psychologist, I find No. of client’s are going through this issue and it’s really tough to understand their thinking pattern. The tendency to assume the worst in relationships often comes down to a mix of our past experiences, emotional vulnerabilities, and the way our brains are wired. We’re naturally inclined to look for potential threats, which can lead us to misinterpret what others say or do. To break this cycle, it’s important to practice active listening, question our assumptions, and work on open, honest communication.
Recognizing that our assumptions often say more about us than the other person can be a game-changer for relationships.
Here’s a deeper look at why this happens:
Cognitive Distortions: We often fall into mental traps like “mind-reading” (assuming we know what someone else is thinking) or “catastrophizing” (expecting the worst possible outcome). These patterns distort how we interpret situations.
Communication Breakdown: Misunderstandings often happen when communication isn’t clear or direct. Without open dialogue, there’s more room for assumptions to creep in.
Past Experiences: If we’ve been hurt before, those old wounds can shape how we see current relationships. We might become hyper-alert to potential threats, even when they don’t exist.
Self-Esteem: If we don’t feel good about ourselves, we might assume others don’t either, leading us to expect the worst in their words or actions.
Confirmation Bias: We tend to focus on information that confirms what we already believe. If we think someone is upset with us, we’ll notice every little thing that seems to support that idea, even if it’s not true.
Because sometimes, an ‘okay’ is just an okay.
