10 Strategies for Dealing With a Partner Refusing to Change

With time, people tend to change. In terms of relationships, if one partner happens to change for better or worse depending on different factors, the change can affect both partners, especially if the change is not welcoming. 

In the relationship, both partners grow together and the intensity of the transformation, at times, could be bad for the relationship when the other partner is not being able to cope up.  

So, is there a solution to partner refusing to change? How do you cope up with such a situation?

Reasons for problems in the relationship

Before understanding the ways to fix the situation of the partner refusing to change, let’s understand the issues that can cause trouble in the relationship. Here are some triggering behaviors of a partner that can lead to relationship problems:

– When the partner becomes emotionally and physically abusive

– When the partner remains unavailable or refuses to give time

– When the partner has serious addiction issues

– When the partner has the tendency to spend too much money

– When the partner is a serial cheater

– When the partner has a negative attitude

How much can you ask your partner to change

Do you often think, “my husband refuses to change.” or “My wife refuses to change.”

Before working on the partner refusing to change, it is important to understand how much change will the partner accept when you suggest. Will your partner welcome your views?

Trying to change someone in a relationship can seem very demanding to your partner if they are someone who doesn’t like change and it might seem like an impossible job. You will need a strategically and logically explain to them the inconveniences it can cause to your partner if they change their mannerisms or certain habits. 

Before you talk to your partner about the change, jot them all down and think how much change is really necessary and how much can be adjusted. Ask from your partner only what is required, not what you simply wish. Let them know about the habits that are impossible to deal with. You must work on ignoring everything else that is not impacting your relationship.

Strategies to talk with your partner about changing things

How to get your spouse to change? When you wish for your partner refusing to change to make some necessary changes, there is a certain approach you need to take. Check out the strategies to talk to your partner: 

1. Choose the right time and place

Be mindful of the time and place. Ensure you both talk about it only when the time is right. Avoid when you are already amidst a chaotic fight or when you are at a place where long conversations are not possible. Plan it in advance and do not miss the opportunity.

2. Be clear about the topic

Be clear in communicating what you wish to change. Choose your words wisely and ensure your partner doesn’t misunderstand you. Have a positive tone of voice rather than attacking your partner. For example, say, “I would appreciate it if you could spare some time for me” instead of, “You hardly have time for me.”

3. Don’t expect a sudden change

Ensure that the changes you are expecting are not sudden and you give time to your partner to understand and accept them. Also, the amount of changes you are expecting must not be presented all at once, lest it should make your partner repulsive.

4. Stick to the topic

Focus on the conversation of partner refusing to change. Since one problem is connected to another, it can be easy to digress from the main topic. So, stick to the main issue till it’s fully addressed.

5. Listen to your partner’s side of the story

Once you present your point of view, be open to listening to your partner too. Let them share what they feel and if they don’t like change or they do before you pass on what ought to be changed. It could be possible that you both arrive at an easier solution with effective communication.

Also read: 15 People Tell Us Why Is Effective Communication Important In A Relationship

6. Avoid judging your partner

If you are planning on changing someone in a relationship, avoid passing judgments or confronting your partner. Make an effort to be understanding rather than condescending. Remember, the kinder you are, the more welcoming your partner refusing to change will be.

7. Give them a vision

Let them know how the changes are going to affect the relationship and how it is going to make them better. The more positive your partner considers it, the easier it will be for you to approach the situation.

8. Appreciate your partner’s efforts

Once they begin making changes, learnt to acknowledge and appreciate the differences you see when you see a changed partner. This will encourage them to do better.

Check out this video for tips on how to appreciate your partner:

9. Don’t bring up past issues

Avoid bringing forth past issues in order to prove your point and compelling your partner to change. Your partner will only become more defensive and not accept your opinions.

10. Take help

Get in touch with a marriage counselor to address the issue for good. A counselor will help you both get to the root of the problem and give a holistic solution.

How to let  go when your partner refuses to change

You have made enough efforts with your partner refusing to change but if things are not falling into place, and your relationship is getting affected, it’s time to change yourself when you can’t change your partner.

Besides, you can bring up consequences that will require your partner to practice the changes you both discussed. 

Also, consider that the partner refusing to change is trying to guard something inside them. Allow them to be vulnerable and talk about it.

If your partner is unwilling to change or compromise, let go of the control. This will bring you peace and get your mind off the issues. You must also practice self-love and work on your strengths to have an optimistic view of things.

If you feel your relationship is at crossroads as they refuse to change, you may consider making major relationship decisions.