Almost 9 months back, I went on a date with this guy I swiped right to on a dating app. The first date was awesome, and we both agreed. After a couple of dates, he began ghosting me almost every other week, ignoring my calls and texts quite often, only to later apologize that he was stuck in traffic or busy with friends and family & blah blah.
Initially, I asked myself why I was even putting up with this drama but later coaxed myself into moving forward, saying every relationship takes time and effort. I was genuinely interested in him. But he was quite a mystery.
Almost after 4 months of an on-and-off relationship, I decided to part ways. It wasn’t a hassle except for a very few Sorry-s and Please, Come back from him. Pretty sure he wanted the same.
Why would a guy act interested and then disappear?
If a guy acted interested and then disappeared, there could be various reasons he did so. You can’t really read someone’s mind but based on the common grounds of ghosting, here are the causes he is acting not interested:
- His idea was to hook up for a short while, and once that was accomplished, he decided to move on.
- He was interested in a long term relationship and couldn’t see any future with you.
- He had compatibility issues
- Fear of serious relationships
What can you do if a guy is not interested in you?
Honestly, you can’t force love into the relationship. And if two persons don’t click, you can’t blame it on yourself or the other party. But here are a few things that will help you to pick yourself up if you are still hurt that he is not interested in you
Accept the reality
The first and foremost rule is not to slip into the denial zone or plead him to come back. Be brave enough to face the truth and not lose your mind over the episode. Comfort yourself and avoid playing the picture of what-if-you-both-were-together in your head.
Let out your emotions
Grieve as much as you want. You may want to cry and let it all out, and that’s okay. The best way to push out the mess from your head and heart is through journaling. Write whatever you are feeling. With time, you will feel good, and everything will begin to make sense.
Don’t rush the grieving process
Whether your relationship was long term or just lasted for a couple of weeks, I know it hurts. So, take time to heal. Don’t panic if you are not able to come out of the zone. Sit back with an ice-cream tub and watch your favorite movie.
Don’t give up on finding your soulmate
At the end of the day, you can’t give up on the idea of love and romance just because of one person. So, keep believing and manifesting that your Mr. Right is out there. Don’t lose hope and get back out there.
After the next 3 months of the healing process, when I gained my sanity back and started retrospecting on the relationship, I understood that he had been throwing signs that he doesn’t want a relationship with me pretty clearly. It was me overlooking all the signs that he is not interested anymore.
When the guy wishes to walk off, or maybe has already walked off in heart his head and heart, these are the signs he is not interested in you that you should pay attention to:
20 Signs that he is not interested in you anymore
1. He doesn’t respect you
One of the first signs he is not interested in you is that he doesn’t respect you as a person or has stopped showing respect gradually. He doesn’t necessarily stand up for you and often holds you responsible if you discuss a problem.
2. He is manipulative
He is often lying while talking to you and has a sob story of his own. If you are the target of his manipulation, he will make sure to attack all your weaknesses so that he is not attacked. Additionally, he is also flippant as he says one thing and denies it later.
Additionally, he often gives you the silent treatment and becomes defensive during arguments.
3. He is basically a good guy but isn’t good to you
He is a good person, but as one of the signs that he is not interested in you, he will behave badly with you and be inconsiderate about your feelings. He is a people pleaser, but you aren’t pleased as the rules are different for you.
4. He doesn’t reveal enough about himself
As obvious, he begins to hide things from you. From his usual what’s happening in his life to his whereabouts, he doesn’t slip out enough information about himself. Despite the fact that you are an open book for him, it doesn’t encourage him to reveal things about himself.
5. Relationship becomes dramatic
A true relationship is one that’s peaceful. If he has recently become dramatic and overreacting on small things or big, doesn’t let go of a fight, this is one of the biggest signs that he is not interested in you.
6. You have to always text or call first
He is least interested in establishing communication with you. So, he would rather chill with his friends than taking out time to text or call you, and this is one of the surefire signs that he is not interested in a relationship with you.
7. He doesn’t clearly state his feelings
He loves you, but he is not in love with you. Well, you get mixed signals, or he says he is not yet ready for the relationship. At the same time, he won’t leave you either. Take such signs that he is not interested in you rather than believing in them.
8. You make all the efforts
A relationship is all about effort, but it has to be two-way. If you are the only one putting in all the emotional effort, and all he does is plan a movie date once in a while, these are the signs that he isn’t interested in you anymore and doesn’t care. You should just walk off rather than emotionally exhausting yourself.
9. He remains busy unless he needs something
He is least interested in spending time with you and always makes excuses that he is busy. However, when he needs a favor or is getting bored, he’d be more than interested in coming up to you. Don’t begin to act grateful and consider these as signs that he is not interested and only goofing around.
10. He is a flirt
If you have often found him flirting around, the guy isn’t interested in you clearly. Stop taking his excuses that he was just being friendly. Any adult understands the line, and there is no way he should continue having his way and making you believe his lies.
11. He isn’t motivated to meet your friends and family
Considering he doesn’t see a future with you or isn’t sure, one of the signs that he is not interested in you is when he doesn’t want to take things forward by including you in his group of friends or being included in yours.
12. He disappears and comes back
He loves to mess around. So, you will often find him disappearing and then coming around in his own sweet time, just to convince you he never went away and he can never go. He will have all the fine words to say but often lack in action.
13. He blames you often
He will only take half the blame when you confront him with the problem or place his issues on you. You will always be the one to accepting the situation as it is as he will get away, hardly saying sorry.
14. He is emotionally unavailable
You are emotionally invested; he isn’t. This is one of the sure signs that he is not interested in you anymore. This will lead to situations where he will downplay your problems. He will often joke about things that are hurtful to you because he isn’t emotionally committed.
15. He doesn’t show enough signs of jealousy
Test this by discussing other men. If he doesn’t bat an eyelash, that’s a warning signal. Every guy gets jealous and protective about his girl when any other guy comes into the scene. However, note that too much jealousy is unhealthy relationship behavior.
16. His body language has changed
There are certain body languages that act as signs that he is not interested in you. For example, if his body is not facing you while talking, he is not making eye contact and doesn’t lean towards you while
17. Avoids communication
Communication plays a key role in any relationship. If he is avoiding talking to you, it is one of the obvious signs that he is not interested in you. Even when you both communicate, he is not an active participant, doesn’t encourage discussions on relationship problems, or gives one-word answers.
18. He avoids making long-term plans
He doesn’t have a clear vision of the future. Therefore, he avoids making future plans with you or doesn’t show interest in discussing, if you have made any.
However, some men take time to reach that stage. Still, you must observe the difference between the man playing the avoid-game and wanting some time.
19. He seems distracted when you both are together
You are excited when you both finally meet or talk over the call. However, he just doesn’t get involved at the moment. If he seems distracted, this is one of the guaranteed signs that he is not interested in you anymore.
20. You have a gut feeling
Your intuition is your best friend. It is your body giving hints to your heart. Gut feeling rarely betrays. If you continue feeling insecure, you should not overthink and take this as one of the signs that he is not interested in you.
Is he shy or just not interested?
If he isn’t making moves, you might confuse whether he is shy or isn’t interested in you. You will have to take the lead in the relationship, which could require a little more effort than usual.
However, you must be clear of the signs of shyness and that it isn’t his disinterest. Know the exact difference between a guy who is just shy and one who is not into you.
- A guy who is shy is usually intimated by the woman he likes. So, he takes time to pursue you. Else, you would have to make the first move.
- A shy guy will love to spend time with you but will be clueless about how to initiate the conversation.
- A guy who is shy might not approach you directly but will always ask his friends or yours about your wellbeing.
- A shy guy is a great observer, unlike a guy who is not interested in you.
- A guy who is shy will not propose a hookup or put forth the idea of sex in the first instance.
If he doesn’t initiate a conversation, is he interested?
If he is not initiating a conversation with you, you must observe the aforementioned signs to determine if he is just not interested in you or being shy.
At times, you might wonder why doesn’t he want to meet me or why doesn’t he text me first. However, dating is full of uncertainties, and you need to take the plunge.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Does he reply immediately to your texts?
- Does he fear annoying you?
- Does he send you hints he is interested in you but doesn’t say it openly?
- Does he like knowing more and more about you?
- Does he try to discuss your topics of interest?
If the answers to the above are Yes, then the guy might not initiate a conversation but is surely interested in you.
Whenever you are dating someone, it is important to keep your head and heart in place, trust yourself and take charge of your feelings rather than getting swayed by someone’s line of thoughts.
Love is binary. It is either toxic or not toxic. There’s no in-between. So, observe and read between the lines to understand the signs of whether or not he is interested in you to avoid the mess in the future.