It can be depressing, annoying, and even emotionally taxing to be in a relationship with a man who isn’t there for you emotionally. Soon, you start to feel as though you’re not really connecting emotionally, despite your best efforts. You frequently end up feeling depressed, alone, and alone.
But what happens if you have the guts to stop paying attention to your partner? There are advantages and disadvantages to ignoring an emotionally distant man. So let’s talk about how to deal with an emotionally unavailable man before you decide to try this strategy.
What makes a man emotionally unavailable?
What might be the cause of a man’s increasing distance and unavailability from his partner?
There are numerous reasons why someone might become emotionally unavailable. It might result from anxiety, depression, bad parenting, a traumatic childhood, or trauma from a past relationship. Some decide to close down in order to avoid being too exposed or hurt.
In certain situations, emotional unavailability can be fixed, but in others, it may not be. It may be difficult to learn that your partner is emotionally unavailable, but it won’t be a wasted effort.
5 Signs An Emotionally Unavailable Man Is In Love With You
Here are 5 signs an emotionally unavailable man might be falling for you, along with examples to help you navigate these confusing waters:
1. He Starts to Open Up and Let You In (a Little):
- Explanation: Emotionally unavailable men typically build walls around themselves. Sharing personal stories, vulnerabilities, or past experiences can be a challenge. However, if he starts to open up to you bit by bit, revealing his fears, dreams, or even embarrassing moments, it could be a sign that he feels safe and trusts you on a deeper level.
- Example: Mark, who usually avoids talking about his family, might hesitantly share a funny story about his childhood after you open up about a similar experience. This vulnerability, even if minor, shows a willingness to connect on a more personal level.
2. He Makes Time for You, Even When It’s Inconvenient:
- Explanation: Emotionally unavailable men often prioritize their own needs and schedules. If he starts rearranging his plans or making an effort to see you, even when it disrupts his routine, it suggests you hold a more significant place in his life.
- Example: David, who usually prioritizes work over everything else, might reschedule a late meeting or skip his usual gym session to attend your surprise birthday party. This effort to be present for you shows he values your connection.
3. He Remembers the Little Things (and Acts on Them):
- Explanation: Paying attention to details demonstrates genuine care. If he remembers things you mentioned in passing, like your favorite coffee order or a dream you shared, and acts on that knowledge (surprising you with coffee or offering support for your dream), it suggests he’s invested in the relationship.
- Example: John recalls your offhand comment about wanting to see a specific art exhibit and surprises you with tickets. This attentiveness shows he listens and cares about your interests.
4. His Actions Speak Louder Than Words (Especially If Words Are Scarce):
- Explanation: Emotionally unavailable men might struggle to express emotions verbally. However, their actions can speak volumes. If he goes above and beyond to help you, shows up when you need him most, or protects you (even in small ways), it signifies his commitment to the relationship, even if he can’t articulate his feelings.
- Example: Peter might not be the type to say “I love you,” but he consistently fixes your car when it breaks down or offers to help you move. These actions demonstrate his reliability and care, even without flowery language.
5. He Slowly Starts Including You in His Future (Maybe):
- Explanation: Emotionally unavailable men might shy away from long-term plans or introducing you to their inner circle. However, if he starts mentioning you in future plans (even casually), invites you to meet his friends or family, or discusses potential trips together, it could indicate a shift in his perception of the relationship and a willingness to see you as part of his future.
- Example: While Sarah might not introduce you to her colleagues right away, she might casually mention you while talking about weekend plans, suggesting a growing comfort level with including you in her life.
15 Things that happen when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man
Here are 15 things that might happen when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, along with action steps to navigate the situation in a healthier way:
1. He Might Not Notice (At First):
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- Explanation: Emotionally unavailable men often struggle to connect with their emotions and the needs of others. Initially, he might not even realize you’re ignoring him, especially if he’s comfortable with the existing dynamic.
Action step: Don’t rely on silence to get your point across. If you’re unhappy, communicate your needs in a calm and assertive way.
2. He Might Withdraw Further:
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- Explanation: Ignoring someone can feel like rejection, even for someone who avoids intimacy. This might push him further away, solidifying the emotional distance in the relationship.
Action step: Open communication is crucial. Talk about what you want from the relationship and what’s bothering you.
3. You Might Feel More Frustrated and Resentful:
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- Explanation: Ignoring the situation won’t make your feelings disappear. Bottled-up emotions can lead to frustration and resentment, ultimately damaging your own well-being.
Action step: Prioritize your emotional health. Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor. Focus on healthy coping mechanisms to manage your emotions.
To know more about it, watch this video: 6 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Person
4. The Relationship Stalls or Becomes Stagnant:
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- Explanation: A relationship thrives on communication and effort. Ignoring each other creates a stagnant environment where no growth or progress occurs.
Action step: Evaluate what you want from the relationship. If you desire connection and growth, ignoring him won’t lead you there.
5. You Might Start Questioning Your Worth:
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- Explanation: When someone you care about withdraws, it can lead to self-doubt and insecurity. You might wonder if you’re not good enough or what you’re doing wrong.
Action step: Challenge negative self-talk. Remember, his emotional unavailability is not a reflection of your worth. Focus on self-compassion and building your self-esteem.
6. It Might Confuse Him (Eventually):
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- Explanation: While he might not pick up on initial subtle cues, a prolonged shift in your behavior will likely cause confusion. He might wonder why you’re acting differently.
Action step: Use the confusion as an opportunity for a conversation. Express your needs and concerns in a clear and honest way.
7. He Might Seek Attention Elsewhere:
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- Explanation: If you’re withholding affection or attention, he might seek validation from others, potentially leading to emotional affairs or unhealthy connections.
Action step: Focus on building a relationship that fulfills both your needs. If you can’t provide the emotional connection he craves, consider if the relationship is sustainable.
8. It Might Create a Power Struggle:
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- Explanation: Ignoring each other can morph into a silent competition for control. This dynamic is unhealthy and prevents genuine connection.
Action step: Shift the focus from power struggles to collaboration. Work together to find solutions that address both your needs.
9. Missed Opportunities for Growth:
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- Explanation: Ignoring issues prevents addressing them. Open communication can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of each other’s needs.
Action step: Embrace healthy conflict as an opportunity for growth. Use “I” statements to communicate your feelings and focus on finding solutions together.
10. You Might Miss Signs of Potential Change:
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- Explanation: Sometimes, emotionally unavailable men can surprise you. Ignoring him completely might prevent you from noticing any subtle efforts he might be making to open up or connect.
Action step: Stay open to positive changes. If he starts showing signs of emotional vulnerability or effort, acknowledge them and encourage further growth.
11. You Might Miss Out on Finding Someone Emotionally Available:
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- Explanation: While you’re waiting for him to change, you might miss opportunities to connect with someone who can meet your emotional needs.
Action step: Don’t put your life on hold. If the relationship isn’t fulfilling, consider opening yourself up to new connections with people who are emotionally available.
12. It Can Be Draining on Your Energy:
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- Explanation: Ignoring the situation creates emotional tension and a constant undercurrent of negativity. This can be draining on your mental and emotional energy.
Action step: Practice self-care. Engage in activities that recharge your emotional batteries and prioritize activities that bring you joy and peace.
13. It Might Hinder Your Personal Growth:
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- Explanation: A healthy relationship fosters growth in both partners. Ignoring issues prevents you from addressing your own emotional needs and working towards a more fulfilling connection.
Action step: Focus on your own growth. Pursue personal interests, explore new hobbies, and invest in self-discovery, regardless of the relationship status.
14. You Set a Precedent for Unhealthy Communication:
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- Explanation: Ignoring each other establishes a pattern of avoidance in the relationship. This can hinder healthy communication in the future, both romantically and in other areas of life.
Action step: Learn healthy communication skills. Practice active listening, express your feelings assertively, and be open to hearing his perspective.
15. It Delays the Inevitable:
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- Explanation: If the emotional unavailability is a core issue and neither of you is willing to address it, the relationship might not be sustainable in the long run. Ignoring the problem only delays the inevitable.
Action step: Be honest with yourself. If the relationship lacks the emotional connection you desire, consider if it’s time to walk away and prioritize your own well-being.
How do you treat an emotionally unavailable man?
Dealing with an emotionally unavailable man can be frustrating and leave you feeling unfulfilled. It’s important to remember you can’t fix him, but you can manage the situation and prioritize your own well-being. Here’s how to navigate this dynamic:
Self-Awareness is Key:
- Identify Your Needs: Before approaching the situation, understand your emotional needs in a relationship. Do you crave intimacy, open communication, or a strong support system? Recognizing these needs helps you determine if the relationship aligns with them.
- Evaluate the Impact: How is his emotional distance affecting you? Are you feeling lonely, insecure, or constantly seeking validation? Honesty with yourself is crucial.
Communication: Open and Direct
- Pick the Right Moment: Don’t ambush him with a conversation. Choose a calm, relaxed time when he seems receptive.
- “I” Statements: Focus on how his behavior makes you feel. For example, “I feel hurt when you withdraw after a disagreement,” is more constructive than accusatory statements.
- Be Clear and Direct: Express your needs for emotional connection and open communication.
- Active Listening: Give him space to respond without interrupting. Validate his feelings, even if you don’t agree.
Setting Boundaries: Prioritizing Yourself
- Respect His Boundaries: If he needs space, give it to him. However, don’t confuse this with him avoiding difficult conversations.
- Maintain Your Life: Don’t put your life on hold hoping he’ll change. Pursue hobbies, nurture friendships, and focus on self-care.
- Know Your Limits: Decide how much of his emotional distance you’re willing to tolerate. Don’t be afraid to walk away if your needs aren’t being met.
Encouraging Growth (if Applicable):
- Lead by Example: Be open and vulnerable in your communication. This might encourage him to do the same over time.
- Suggest Therapy (as an option): If he’s receptive, gently suggest couples therapy or individual therapy for him to address the root of his emotional unavailability.
Remember: Change Takes Time
- Don’t Expect Overnight Transformation: Becoming emotionally available is a process. Be patient and supportive if he’s making an effort.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge even minor improvements in his communication or emotional openness.
Knowing When to Walk Away
- Unrealistic Expectations: If he dismisses your needs or refuses to acknowledge his emotional distance, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
- Constant Disappointment: Don’t settle for a relationship that consistently leaves you feeling unhappy and unfulfilled.
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What causes emotional unavailability?
- You may need to look into the underlying cause of your partner’s emotional instability before deciding to ignore or give up on them.
- Emotional inaccessibility can result from a number of factors, including:
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- Mental health problems
- Previous relationship trauma
- Style of attachment
- Cultural or societal influences
- Trauma in childhood
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Can an emotionally unavailable man fall in love?
- Of course! Even though they can’t communicate their feelings, they are still feeling. Because of this, we must understand that falling in love and being emotionally available are two entirely different things. Even so, a man who is emotionally unavailable may still be affected by his past trauma and find it difficult to let go of it when he falls in love.
In a nutshell:
You must prioritize yourself if you have been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man and you see no future together. Numerous things may occur if you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, but you will gain more from it than he will. This is a result of you finally realizing the importance of prioritizing yourself.
Then, it’s also a win-win scenario if your man understands that it takes effort for your relationship to succeed. It’s time to realize that you deserve so much more than this, though, if you see that he isn’t really going to change.