When They Gaslight You, Do These 20 Things Instead

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Gaslighting is an emotional manipulation technique that can make the victim feel helpless and perplexed. To make their victim doubt their own reality and wonder about their sanity, the gaslighter employs deception, lies, and other psychological tricks.

If you have ever fallen victim to gaslighting, you are aware of the devastation it can cause and the reasons it is crucial to learn how to confront a gaslighter. The good news is that you can regain control and turn the tables on someone who is gaslighting you.

Recall that you are not at fault for being duped. You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, and you can take back control of your life by cleverly turning the tables on someone who is trying to manipulate you.

So how do you go around a gaslighter and expose them? You can defend yourself against their emotional abuse by becoming knowledgeable about their strategies and maintaining your sense of self. Let’s look at some advice to help you take back control.

How Do You Outsmart a Gaslighter?

To protect yourself and quickly regain control, it’s critical to know how to outwit a gaslighter. Here are some tactics to think about:

• Even though your partner refuses to admit they are cheating on you, you sense something is wrong. Follow your instincts and do more research.
• You constantly feel bad about turning down your partner’s requests. Inform them that you must put your own needs first and that you are not able to be available at all times.
• Your spouse is constantly telling you that you are unworthy and incapable of succeeding. Speak with a counselor or a confidant who can assist you in reframing your ideas and boosting your self-esteem.
• You remember your partner promising to come to a family event, but they keep telling you they never said they would. Note the discussion or text message exchange in which they committed.
• Your significant other often tells you that you are too sentimental and minimizes your emotions. You can learn assertive communication techniques and have your emotions validated by a therapist.
• It’s hard for you to see your friends because your partner is always criticizing them. Strive to keep up your friendships and ask dependable confidants for emotional support.
• You feel bad about spending time on yourself or engaging in your hobbies because of your partner. Regardless of your partner’s objections, remind yourself that self-care is crucial for your mental health and schedule time for it.

20 Ways To Turn The Tables On A Gaslighter

If you suspect you’re being gaslighted, it’s important to know that you’re not alone and there are ways to respond. Here are 20 strategies to help you turn the tables on a gaslighter and reclaim your power:

1. Trust Your Gut

When something feels off, it probably is. Gaslighters often rely on creating doubt and confusion. Pay attention to your intuition and the emotional cues your body is sending you.

• Action Step: Take a moment to pause and reflect on the situation. Ask yourself: “Does this feel right?” “How does this interaction make me feel?” Journaling your thoughts and feelings can help you identify patterns of gaslighting behavior.

2. Don’t Engage in Heated Arguments

Gaslighters thrive on emotional reactions. By staying calm and collected, you take away their power.

• Action Step: If you feel yourself getting drawn into an argument, take a deep breath and excuse yourself. You can say something like, “I need a time-out to calm down before we can continue this conversation.”

3. Document Everything

Keep a record of the gaslighter’s behavior. This could include dates, times, specific examples of what they said or did, and even screenshots of messages.

• Action Step: Use a notebook, journal, or note-taking app to document incidents. Having concrete evidence can be helpful if you decide to confront the gaslighter or seek support from others.

To know more about it, watch this video: 

How To Turn The Tables On a Gaslighter / Exposing a Gaslighter

4. Limit Your Contact

Reduce the amount of time you spend with the gaslighter, or cut them out of your life completely if necessary.

• Action Step: If the gaslighter is a family member or close friend, consider setting boundaries. This might involve limiting phone calls, visits, or interactions to specific situations.

5. Focus on Facts

Gaslighters often deal in distortions and half-truths. When they try to twist reality, stick to the facts and your own memories.

• Action Step: Instead of getting caught up in their emotional manipulation, calmly state the facts of the situation. For example, if they deny saying something, you can say, “You did say that on [date] when we were [location].”

6. Don’t Apologize for Your Feelings:

Your emotions are valid. Don’t let the gaslighter make you feel like you need to apologize for how you feel.

• Action Step: If the gaslighter tells you you’re “overreacting” or “too sensitive,” simply say, “I have a right to feel this way.”

7. Validate Yourself:

Since gaslighters try to erode your sense of self, it’s crucial to validate your own experiences. Remind yourself of your strengths, memories, and what you know to be true.

• Action Step: Practice positive affirmations. Write down positive qualities about yourself and repeat them to yourself when you’re feeling down. Surround yourself with supportive people who believe in you.

8. Don’t Jumble Your Boundaries:

Gaslighters often blur the lines between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Stand firm on your boundaries and communicate them clearly.

• Action Step: Be clear about what you will and will not tolerate. For example, you might say, “I won’t tolerate being spoken to that way” or “I need you to respect my need for space.”

9. Use “I” Statements:

“I” statements help you express your feelings without placing blame. This can be a more effective way to communicate with a gaslighter.

• Action Step: Instead of saying, “You always make me feel bad,” try, “I feel hurt when you say things like that.” This approach focuses on your experience and avoids triggering a defensive reaction from the gaslighter.

10. Don’t Isolate Yourself:

Gaslighters often try to isolate their victims. Maintain strong connections with supportive friends, family members, or a therapist who can offer validation and guidance.

• Action Step: Reach out to people you trust and confide in them about what you’re experiencing. Building a strong support system can help you feel empowered and less alone.

11. Seek Professional Help:

A therapist can provide valuable support and guidance in dealing with gaslighting. They can help you develop coping mechanisms, rebuild your self-esteem, and navigate your options for moving forward.

• Action Step: Research therapists in your area who specialize in emotional abuse or trauma. Consider online therapy options if in-person sessions are not accessible.

12. Educate Yourself:

The more you understand about gaslighting, the better equipped you’ll be to recognize the signs and protect yourself.

• Action Step: Read books and articles about gaslighting. There are also many online resources and support groups available.

13. Don’t Jettison Humor:

Humor can be a disarming tool when dealing with a gaslighter. A lighthearted response can catch them off guard and prevent them from escalating the situation.

• Action Step: Use humor cautiously, but if appropriate, try a playful approach to deflect their attempts at manipulation. For example, if they deny saying something, you could jokingly say, “Maybe you bumped your head and forgot!”

14. Don’t Fall for Triangulation:

Gaslighters sometimes try to involve other people in their manipulation tactics. Don’t get drawn into arguments or gossip.

• Action Step: If the gaslighter tries to pit you against someone else, politely disengage from the conversation. You can say something like, “I’m not comfortable discussing this with you right now.”

15. Don’t Be Afraid to Walk Away:

If the gaslighting is persistent and affecting your mental health, it’s okay to walk away from the relationship. You deserve to be treated with respect.

• Action Step: Develop a safety plan for leaving the situation if necessary. This might involve gathering important documents, securing your finances, and finding a safe place to stay.

16. Focus on Self-Care:

Taking care of yourself is essential when dealing with gaslighting. Prioritize activities that make you feel good, such as exercise, relaxation techniques, or spending time in nature.

• Action Step: Engage in activities you enjoy, whether it’s reading, listening to music, or spending time with loved ones. Prioritize getting enough sleep and eating healthy meals to maintain your physical and mental well-being.

17. Remember, It’s Not Your Fault:

Gaslighters are manipulative and deceptive. Internalize that the abuse is not a reflection of your worth.

• Action Step: Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with self-compassion. Remind yourself that you are strong and capable of overcoming this situation.

18. Celebrate Small Victories:

Taking steps to protect yourself from gaslighting is a victory. Acknowledge your progress and celebrate small wins along the way.

• Action Step: Reward yourself for setting boundaries, reaching out for support, or standing up for yourself. Recognizing your progress can boost your confidence and motivation.

19. Gaslighters Don’t Change Easily:

Don’t expect a gaslighter to magically change their behavior. Focus on what you can control – your own reactions and responses. Don’t waste energy trying to change the gaslighter.

• Action Step: Let go of the need for the gaslighter to apologize or admit wrongdoing. Focus on healing yourself and moving forward in a healthier environment.

20. Break the Cycle for Good:

Gaslighting can be a learned behavior that cycles through generations. By recognizing and stopping the gaslighting in your own life, you can break the cycle and prevent future harm.

• Action Step: If you have children, be mindful of your communication style and avoid using gaslighting tactics yourself. Set a positive example of healthy communication and emotional expression.

Remember, responding to gaslighting takes time and courage. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress. By implementing these strategies and prioritizing your well-being, you can reclaim your power and build a life free from manipulation.

• Do gaslighters love their victims?

The question of whether gaslighters love their victims is frequently asked, and the response is nuanced. 

In order to keep control and manipulate their victims, gaslighters may pretend to love them. It can be challenging for the victim to leave an abusive relationship when love is being used as a tool for manipulation.

Gaslighters might not have a true understanding of what love is. Instead of viewing their victims as human beings deserving of respect and care, they might view them as things to be managed and controlled. 

It’s crucial to understand that whether or not a gaslighter loves their victim does not matter when it comes to stopping gaslighting. Abuse such as gaslighting can have detrimental effects on a victim’s mental health and general wellbeing. Phrases like “I love you so much, that’s why I have to protect you from the truth” or “I’m doing this for your own good because I love you” are examples of how gaslighters pretend to love their victims.

• What to say to someone who is gaslighting you?

It can be challenging to know how to react or what to say when someone is gaslighting you, but it’s crucial to learn how to turn the tables and reveal their deceptive strategies. Establishing boundaries and standing up for yourself when someone is gaslighting you are crucial strategies for coping with gaslighting. 

You can resist the gaslighter’s attempt to manipulate or control you by standing up for your own beliefs and feelings. Recall that you have the authority to establish your own reality and that you should be treated with empathy and respect.

What should you do, then, if you believe someone is gaslighting you? You can address someone who is gaslighting you with the following examples of what to say:

• “I have faith in my own emotions and perceptions. It doesn’t make me incorrect just because you don’t share my perspective on something.
• “I don’t like it when people call my emotions crazy or unfounded. It matters to me that you honor my feelings and viewpoints.
• “I won’t participate in a discussion where you attempt to cast doubt on my perception of reality. It isn’t beneficial or healthful.

Conclusion

One type of emotional abuse that can seriously harm a victim’s emotional and mental health is gaslighting. It’s critical to identify gaslighting behavior and take precautions against it. 

Follow your gut, look for help, and take care of yourself. Remind yourself that you are not at fault and that you can confront a gaslighter head-on. You can recover your sense of self by resisting the effects of gaslighting and taking action, establishing boundaries, having confidence in yourself, and choosing relationship counseling.