Survivor Story: He Said He Loved Me, So He Beat Me Up

This is a transcript of an audio interview of Anupriya [name changed] who belongs to Manpur. The incident took place in the same city.

[Begin transcript 00:00:02]

Should I start?

Yes, okay. 

Okay, uhm.. so I don’t know from where to start. I have forgotten if my life was ever happy..or peaceful..or easy.

When I got married to ⬛️⬛️ in 2018, life was good, pretty normal. Considering I am quite compromising in nature; that’s what I think I am, I considered him quite sarcastic to start with. There were times when he made fun of my weight. I was 49 kgs then. He said my breasts are saggy and suggested creams for them.

That’s… (pause)

That’s normal between a husband and a wife, right? You are open to discuss everything, good or bad about each other.

This is when he suggested the idea of cuckolding. I asked him what it is and then did my Googling later. I was shocked. No matter what I was going through, this was a strict no.

Cuckolding is basically a fetish if you know. It’s a..it’s a kink where you let your partner have sex with someone else in front of your eyes and you feel turned on by it.

Okay so then..ummm.

But I think that was just a glimpse of a larger problem. After a year, he often said he was ‘bored’ of the sex life. That’s when he started becoming aggressive.

I did everything I found on the internet. I planned a surprise candlelight dinner for him one night after he was back from the office. Some strip dance, dirty talk etc etc time and again.

Okay, I am embarrassed now. I just mean I did everything relationship gurus on the internet told me to. 

I might not be perfect but I tried. (voice quivers)

Those were a few moments of sanity when we were really happy. After some time or a couple of hours, he was back to being nasty.

He stopped liking the food I cooked. He once threatened me with a knife while sitting on a sofa. He laughed after a short pause.

I stopped meeting my friends because he didn’t appreciate my going out.

Ah, violence during sex was normal. Sex progressed to violence and hurt so gradually, so bit by bit that I took time figuring out that I was becoming a victim of severe domestic violence. 

He was checking my phone. Yes.

He was threatening me. Yes. Mostly

He was humiliating me. Yes. Whatever little conversations we had, I was often the target.

But there was this day I can’t believe happened in my life. Umm..actually, I remember being physically in pain due to sex the night before. I was hurt near my waist area and my private parts were paining too. I had difficulty sitting.  

But this day, he came home quite drunk. A few of his colleagues came to drop him because he could barely walk—

(4-minute pause)

I took him in. He lay on the bed, breathing heavily. I assumed he was angry. Then he called someone and began to abuse over the call. I could understand he had some heated argument over drinks with someone.

I didn’t dare ask him or talk to him as I didn’t want to be the prey that day. I was closing the door to the balcony when I had his hand clutch my waist and drag me to the sofa.

I resisted this time. I resisted a lot. I think that was a slap on his ego. That’s when he got aggressive beyond my control and began slapping me left and right. I was already in pain.

(pause) 

I was already in pain and this was unbearable. We live in an apartment but I didn’t want to rush to the next door lest this should be the society news the next morning.

I had all this running in my mind when he..he was trying to penetrate me.

I ran to the bedroom and locked the door (sighing). I heard him hurling abuses and beating the door. I was never so scared in my life. I thought I’ll either die or pass out. I quickly opened the almirah and took out the spare phone and dialed 100 and told them the situation. The local police arrived in 10 to 15 minutes. 

Till then he continued banging the door, then resting a bit, banging again and coaxing me to open the door saying how much he loved me and wants to move to another city with me to start a fresh life.

For a moment, my heart melted but the pain..so much pain and so many internal wounds had come to the surface.  

Let me tell you I was very embarrassed. I didn’t want this attention. But I know what I did was right. There was this sudden sense of freedom and power because I took control of the situation.

My parents, in-laws were shocked. Suddenly, I was the villain the next day. I had never told them what had been going on for a year. 

I should have.

So, I soon filed for divorce. It’s still in the process. The scars, you know, it will always be there. It’s just that I know how to deal with them now. I have learned to handle myself. I am under therapy.

On asking why she didn’t seek help sooner:

See, as I told you. Things graduated by piecemeal. I often took them as a one-time thing that won’t repeat but it did. Emotionally and physically. My mistake was I never took the signs seriously and I recognized them all cumulatively quite late. But I really hope no woman or man or victim makes this kind of mistake.

[End transcript 00:21:07]

For information and support on domestic abuse, contact:

Police helpline: 1091/ 1291

The National Commission for Women’s WhatsApp helpline: 72177-35372

Helpline for Shakti Shalini, a Delhi-based NGO: 10920

Crisis helpline for Sneha, a Mumbai-based NGO: 98330-52684 / 91675-35765