Unabashed Emotions

She Was My Best Friend But I Chose To Make Her The Love Of My Life

We have been pulling each other’s hair and kicking each other’s butt for over 6 years now. We first saw each other outside the Zoology department- both sticking our noses to the Bulletin Board and check for the Room number for the next class at 3:15 pm.

594, is it? She said

Yes.” I responded.

Seems like we both recognized each other but were mere acquaintances. On our way to the class, which was on the other side of the building, we discussed how it was going so far. She belonged to Kolkata, and I was a Delhiite. She was new to the town and was, of course, looking forward to exploring the much talked about happening life of Delhi. 

I have always been a shy guy. Had I not been, I would have atleast walked with her to the canteen, but I don’t make friends easily. This has landed me with 3 friends, who luckily understand my introverted communication style. 

My approach might turn some people off. But I am not rude. I am not intimidating.

Shy people don’t even have the confidence to refute the wrong notions about them, but there are certain shy people traits you must know:

  • We talk less because we fear turning off people. That will ensue fights, and that’s not even the last thing we would want to have on our list
  • We are nervous pretty much all the time. Well, yes. Every conversation is equal to public speaking for us.
  • We are amazing observers. We observe a lot, almost everything but don’t speak.
  • As obvious, we have a hard time approaching people.

Shreya happened to sit right behind me in the class, and as soon as the bell rang, she tapped my shoulder.

“Do you know where I can get Cell Biology And Genetics by P.K. Gupta?”

“But we are not recommended that one, you know, right?

“Yes, I already have the other one by Dr. P S Verma.”

“Great!”

She raised her eyebrows.

I instantly recalled the question, “Oh yes, I am pretty sure you will get it at CMYK Book Store.”

I explained to her the route to the store, we exchanged smiles, and that was it.

You might have guessed that I would accompany her to the store, or at least ask her if she would like me to drop her; especially after knowing I had to cross the exact same route while heading home.

I didn’t. 

Although she seemed quite a nice girl to befriend, I have rarely been enthusiastic about new friendships. 

On and off for almost 9 months, we only discussed the schedule, syllabus, exam scores, and holidays.

However, eventually, when we exchanged numbers and became FB friends, the smiley comments on new pictures and reactions on funny memes added to the comfort of how we faced each other in college.

Fast forward to the second year of graduation, and we become good friends, chilling in the canteen and trying her favorite Chinese chaat all the time. I could never tell how rubbish that tasted to me with tomato sauce superfluously spewed over. 

Why couldn’t we ever have Fish Burger or Hot Dog? But who was I to complain?

She told me about her family back in Kolkata, her favorite ‘Boi Para’ where she got her first Enid Blyton and how she broke up with her then-boyfriend who was anxious about ‘sending her to Delhi.’

Things were going pretty well, but how can life be so fair? How can that make a story to be told?

Right before our final exams, I proposed to her. I.Proposed.To.Her.

Hard to believe? High five!

The very next day, right after the exam, I was prepared to apologize. I might have hurt her considering the text I got back was, “Are you sure?”, “Tomorrow at 1 pm in the cafeteria.”

I planned long essays in my head. I am sorry. I was kidding. I know I have spoiled our friendship. All my monologues in my head messing to become nothing.

I can’t explain why I proposed to her. Was I feeling lonely? Was it the exam stress? I fossick through all the possible and hurtful reasons. 

But I must confess her presence warmed my heart. We both could discuss Shakespeare and Enzyme Kinetics with equal ease. I lived in a joint family, where I struggled for attention. And then it was her… pulling out every secret of mine with utmost dexterity.  

But what was the point of me being shy or introverted if I had to spoil the numbered friendships I had with my stupidity? I had been rebuking myself all along.

I reached 5 minutes late out of fear, nervousness, and anxiety.

I sat at our usual spot, waiting for her, drumming my fingers on the table. I got a tap on my shoulder. 

There she was.

Smiling ceaselessly.

With two fish burgers on one plate.

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