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The feeling of attraction to someone can be a bit complex.
If you browse through all the labels that our society has, you might feel lost and confused. You have this strong bond and love for this person, but you’re not exactly in a sexual relationship together. You’re more than friends, but you’re not the traditional couple.
Have you ever felt this way with someone? Do you think you share a mutual understanding that goes beyond the usual friendship?
Then you might be in a Queerplatonic relationship.
What is a queerplatonic relationship? How does it work?
These are just some of the first questions that you will start asking when you encounter the term Queerplatonic relationship.
If this is your first time to hear this term, then we got you.
The Queerplatonic relationship is also known as QPR, Qplatonic relationship, Quasiplatonic relationship, and even Quirkyplatonic relationship.
The first word that will register when you hear this term is the word ‘platonic’ which means a type of attraction that doesn’t involve romance.
QPR is a type of relationship that exceeds the boundaries for friendships. It’s a form of friendship or partnership that is not limited to heteronormative rules. This beautiful attraction and love involve so much more than just mere friendship or even that of romance.
For most of us, there’s friendship, and then there’s romance, right?
It’s all about labeling what you feel about someone, and with labels also comes limitations. Now, if you are in a queerplatonic relationship, there are no limits.
Skip the social norm that you can’t cuddle and be intimate with your friend or decide to live together but not be sexually involved together.
With QPR, you are free from these social labels. Of course, for those who have just heard this term, it is really confusing. So, let’s address the most common questions that people have with QPR.
Talking about this, Sonali Verma a mental health professional, comments
If you ask me What exactly is a relationship? I would say, Well, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Societal norms fall short in defining it because it’s more than just fulfilling duties; it’s about a heartfelt connection of love and care. Simply labeling it as romantic doesn’t capture its full essence. Every relationship that shares this deep bond fits under this broad term. And since every bond is unique, the terms of each relationship should be too. There’s no need to confine it with strict definitions.
The cute term “queerplatonic relationship” was first used on December 24, 2010, from an online thread named Kaz’s Scribblings.
It was the perfect term to call the wish of a person to experience an aromantic type of connection with someone apart from the usual label of friendship or romance.
QPR started with aromantic or asexual people. They used it to describe their special someone who is not their spouse or girl/boyfriend.
The queerplatonic partnership may include adorable pet names like Zucchini, Squishy/Squish, or a Plush.
Think of it as your cute pet name for your crush.
Calling them Squish or Plush is cute, but why Zucchini?
The pet name Zucchini actually started as a silly joke. They said that when you have that special someone, you can call them anything you want- even a ‘Zucchini,’ and they did. So the term remained until today.
Intimacy is a broad term. While some people think of intimacy as a form of sexual connection, it is far more than that.
Intimacy comes in many forms. There is physical intimacy, emotional, intellectual, creative, experiential, and spiritual. Any type of healthy relationship needs to have it, so yes, QPR does have intimacy.
If you’re focusing on sexual intimacy, then it’s up to you and your partner to decide. Remember how QPR releases you from the norm? You can cuddle, hold hands, and even make love.
What if you are already in a queerplatonic relationship; can you fall in love or be in a romantic relationship with another person?
The answer is yes because a queerplatonic relationship or QPR can be monogamous or polyamorous.
This is the reason why some people feel confused about what they are feeling. They can romantically be in love with their partner but also be attracted to their best friend. This can build a guilt feeling of emotional cheating.
That’s why we need to be responsible for our feelings and our commitment. You need to make the situation clear with your boy/girlfriend or spouse so you won’t end up hurting someone or feel guilty.
The answer is a big YES.
However, the rules will be decided by the involved parties. There’s no general list of rules to follow.
In general, queerplatonic relationships are platonic, but since it’s not limited to the normal label, they can also be physically intimate and even sexual.
Each couple in a QPR is different. Their love, needs, and situations are not the same – that’s why there are no general rules but rather personal ones.
Queerplatonic or Quasiplatonic relationships have no boundaries! That’s what’s good about it.
It’s just spontaneous and pure-hearted. QPR is all about that deep emotional connection between two people.
“Am I in a queerplatonic relationship?”
Do you feel it in your heart that you are already in a queerplatonic relationship?
Here are 20 beautiful signs that you are already in one.
You just scheduled a date with your friend, and you can’t help but jump with joy! You look into the mirror, and you see yourself smiling.
Even if you just got out of a tiring day at work, yet your heart races when you find out that you’ll meet this person.
You just went out yesterday, but now, you’re already planning to spend the whole afternoon together, and you’re still excited about it!
You can’t get enough of each other, and your day becomes complete when you’re together.
You had your share of romantic relationships and friendships, but not like this. This person is special because when you are together, you understand each other beyond words.
This person even gets your weird habits, and you are the same as them. Sometimes, you wonder if you can even read each other’s minds.
You are always together, yet when you go home, you still call each other. In fact, you can talk for hours without getting bored!
Aside from having so many things in common, you just feel that this person is a connection of your own being. You’re too comfortable that you can tell them everything, and you don’t even have to worry about explaining it because they already understand.
You suddenly realize your ‘squish’ plays the song that you were thinking of, or she invites you to a donut shop just when you’re thinking of one.
It’s like your minds are connected. It’s a magical and beautiful feeling.
You know deep inside that you feel jealous when there’s a third party involved.
Do you ever get this feeling that you want them all by yourself? No other BFF or friend, no other people close to them – just you.
You’ve been through so much, yet with this one person, you feel like you’ve found the person that completes you. You feel so close, and you love this person but not romantically. You just feel like you’ve found something that many have not yet able to understand fully.
People have approached you just to ask if you are in a relationship.
Or maybe, some of the closest people around you have already given you bits of advice about your ‘hidden’ relationship or to give your feelings a ‘label’ of sorts.
You wake up, and you see messages from this person, and you just smile.
No matter how silly it is or how unimportant the topic is, just as long as it’s your special someone messaging you – you are happy.
It’s like having a crush on someone. Did this make you smile? Maybe you’re thinking of someone right now.
Do you ever get that gut feeling that your ‘squish’ needs you?
Then you call them and realize that this person is going through something? It’s definitely something you can’t explain, but it’s real, and it happens.
No matter what you have gone through, being with this person makes your day complete, and you feel at ease with them. You feel you can fight any battle and conquer any trials as long as you are with your ‘zucchini,’ and that’s as real as it gets.
Whether it’s bad or good news, the first person you think about is your ‘squish,’ and it has always been this way.
In fact, you’d even think of how they will react when you decide to tell them the news. Sometimes, you even wish they were with you when something good has happened so you can share your happiness with them.
What we love with queerplatonic relationships is the fact that they have these weird, cute, and mutual nicknames.
Zucchini, Squish, or Plush, no matter what you like to use, you’re free to do so.
It may be weird for some, but who cares? Again QPR doesn’t care about what other people would think. There is no judgment here, only love and affection.
An attraction beyond physical appearance, a connection beyond words and love beyond sexual intimacy – it’s so strong that you can’t even explain it with other people.
The people who experience this can’t believe that such attraction and connection exists.
Even if you have a girl/boyfriend, you still have your number one – your ‘squish’ and that won’t change.
Of course, there will be comments about how you choose your priority or even jealousy with your boy/girlfriend, but if they love you, they’d actually understand.
If your ‘squish’ calls you in the middle of a concert or in the middle of the night, you won’t even think twice.
You love the same brand, the same style, and even when you haven’t talked about it, you end up dressing alike!
We’re not talking about clothes alone. This goes the same with the taste in music, food, even with books – everything!
We’ve already discussed how intimacy works, right?
Some QPR may just be fully platonic, but you still love hugging and cuddling. You’re at peace when you do it. No explanations are needed.
Some QPR also engage in much deeper sexual intimacy, such as kissing and even making love.
You were offered a chance to apply for a higher position, and you thought of this person the second you heard the news. You want to buy a new TV, and you immediately phone your special someone to ask what they think.
Their opinion matters because you know you can count on them with these types of decisions. They’re a big part of your life.
You had a bad day at work, and you come running to this person and just ask for some cuddles. You don’t have to talk, just some quiet time to feel better.
This person is your charger, the person who is always there when you’re down, the person you know won’t judge you, your ‘squish’ that you can squish and hug when you want.
That’s right, you’ve been thinking about this term since the start of this article.
Meeting your QPR can often be described as meeting your soulmate, and yes, your soul mate doesn’t have to be the opposite sex. That’s what QPR is all about.
Check out this video that discusses the science behind soulmates and how believing or not believing in them can affect the longevity and success of your relationships:
Have you ever wondered how to ask someone to be your queerplatonic partner? It comes naturally. Most often, the feelings come first before the realization.
You understand each other beyond anyone’s understanding. You love each other more than words could describe, and if you feel like this, then congratulations, you have the perfect queerplatonic partnership.
If you are in a queerplatonic relationship, accept it wholeheartedly. Be proud because not everyone gets to meet their twin flame, their soulmate, and their ‘squish,’ so embrace it and enjoy it.
It doesn’t matter what other people call you, or what words they throw at you, they don’t understand the meaning of this beautiful love – only you and your partner do.
So, embrace your ‘squish’ and just love each other.
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