Most people think of lying as the simple act of purposefully saying something false, but what about lying by omission?
This happens when someone purposefully omits crucial information that could alter how someone perceives or comprehends a circumstance. Lying by omission is a common tactic in both personal and professional settings, and it can be just as damaging as lying directly.
The idea of lying by omission, its ethical ramifications, and some instances of it will all be covered in this article. In order to preserve integrity and openness in our interactions and relationships, we will also look at how to spot and deal with this kind of deception.
What is Lying by Omission?
Lying by omission is a type of deception in which someone purposefully omits material facts that could alter the reader’s perception or comprehension of the situation.
What does it mean to lie by omission, then? Is it lying to omit something? It’s a cunning kind of lying because the perpetrator omits the truth while saying nothing false.
You’re lying by omission, for instance, if a friend asks if you’ve seen a movie and you don’t disclose that you saw it with someone you don’t like. It’s crucial to remember that lying indirectly can be just as harmful as lying outright. It can destroy relationships and lead to a breakdown in trust. It is essential that we identify and address this kind of deception if we want to continue being truthful and open in our dealings.
5 Examples of lying by omission
In a marriage, the lie of omission can be especially harmful since it undermines trust and seriously damages the union. Here are five instances of lying in a marriage through omission:
1. Hiding financial information
This can include undisclosed income, undisclosed debt, or hidden bank accounts. With the potential to affect significant relationship decisions and create financial instability, withholding financial information from a spouse may be regarded as lying by omission.
2. Withholding information about past infidelity
One partner is lying by omission if they have cheated in the past and don’t tell their spouse about it. So, is it lying to withhold information? Withholding details about previous adultery can seriously undermine trust in a marriage and worsen the situation.
3. Failing to disclose health issues
One partner has to tell the other if they have a health condition that might affect their relationship or the other partner’s wellbeing. Since it affects both partners’ health and well-being, withholding crucial health information from a spouse may be regarded as lying by omission.
4. Concealing important information about family or personal history
A prior marriage, a family history of mental illness, or a criminal record could all be examples of this. Hiding significant information about one’s personal or family background may be regarded as lying by omission because it affects the dynamics of the partnership and mutual trust.
5. Not being truthful about substance abuse or addiction issues
One partner is lying by omission if they don’t tell their spouse that they struggle with addiction or substance abuse. Lying about drug misuse or addiction problems can seriously damage a marriage and create new problems with communication and trust.
Why do people lie by omission?
People lie by omission for a variety of reasons. Here are some of the most common:
- To Avoid Conflict: This is a big one. People might withhold information to avoid a fight, disagreement, or confrontation. They might fear the other person’s reaction or simply dislike conflict itself.
- To Protect Themselves or Others: Sometimes, people lie by omission to protect themselves from getting in trouble, losing face, or facing negative consequences. They might also withhold information to shield someone they care about from getting hurt or embarrassed.
- To Maintain Control: Leaving out certain details can give someone a sense of control over the situation and the information being shared. They might not want to feel vulnerable or exposed.
- Fear of Judgment: If someone worries their actions or choices will be judged harshly, they might omit details to avoid criticism or disapproval.
- Habit or Convenience: Sometimes, lying by omission becomes a habit, a way of avoiding uncomfortable conversations or explanations. It can also be seen as a convenient way to avoid extra effort or a complex discussion.
10 Reasons a Lie by Omission hurts relationships
Here are 10 reasons why lies by omission can hurt relationships, along with illustrative examples:
1. Erosion of Trust:
Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. When someone withholds information, it implies a lack of trust in the other person’s ability to handle the truth. This can be incredibly hurtful and make the person who was lied to feel unimportant or disrespected.
- Example: Sarah tells her best friend, Emily, that she’s working late every night this week. In reality, Sarah is secretly going to night classes to pursue a career change she hasn’t discussed with Emily. While Sarah might fear Emily’s initial disapproval, withholding this information breaks Emily’s trust and makes her feel excluded from an important part of Sarah’s life.
2. Increased Anxiety and Stress:
Relationships are supposed to be a source of comfort and support. When information is hidden, it creates uncertainty and anxiety for the person who is unaware. They might constantly question what’s being kept from them and why.
- Example: John tells his wife, Mary, that he’s been offered a promotion at work. He omits the fact that the promotion requires relocation across the country. Mary starts making plans for celebrating the promotion, only to be blindsided by the relocation detail later. This hidden information causes unnecessary stress and strains their communication.
3. Loss of Intimacy:
Honesty and openness are crucial for intimacy in relationships. Lies by omission create a barrier and prevent true emotional connection.
- Example: David avoids telling his partner, Lisa, about his past financial struggles. He fears she might judge him or think less of him. This omission prevents them from having open conversations about finances, a crucial aspect of a committed relationship.
4. Weakening of the Bond:
Relationships thrive on shared experiences and open communication. Lies by omission can create distance and make the connection feel weaker.
- Example: After a disagreement with a friend, Michael avoids mentioning it to his partner, Sarah. He doesn’t want to burden her or create tension in their relationship. However, by not talking about the issue, Michael distances himself from Sarah and creates a sense of emotional separation.
To know more about it, watch this video: Why your Partner Lies to you…
5. Growth of Resentment:
When someone is lied to by omission, they might feel hurt, frustrated, or even betrayed. These negative emotions can fester and turn into resentment over time.
- Example: At work, Nadia takes credit for a project she completed with her colleague, Ben. Ben avoids correcting her publicly, fearing conflict. However, this omission builds resentment in Ben, who feels undervalued and disrespected for his contribution.
6. Damage to Communication:
Honesty is essential for healthy communication. Lies by omission make communication strained and unreliable. The person who is lied to might question the truthfulness of everything their partner says.
- Example: During a job interview, Maya downplays a previous termination from a job due to a misunderstanding with her manager. While she gets the job initially, the truth eventually comes out, causing damage to her credibility and the employer’s trust.
7. Decline in Personal Integrity and Self-Esteem:
When someone withholds information, they might feel like they’re being dishonest with themselves as well. This can lead to a decline in personal integrity and self-esteem.
- Example: Lily spends a weekend with friends without telling her parents, who had given her permission to go to a local event. This deception not only hurts her relationship with her parents but also makes her feel guilty and dishonest.
8.Potential for Relationship Breakdown:
In severe cases, repeated lies by omission can lead to a complete breakdown of trust and the relationship itself.
- Example: Mark hides a gambling addiction from his wife, Sarah, for years, using various omissions to cover his tracks. The financial and emotional strain caused by this lie eventually leads to their divorce.
9. Unresolved Conflicts:
Lies by omission can prevent conflicts from being resolved in a healthy way. By not addressing the root cause of an issue, the problem continues to fester beneath the surface.
- Example: After a fight with a neighbor, Jessica tells her husband, Tom, that everything is fine. However, she continues to feel angry and avoids interacting with the neighbor. This unresolved conflict creates tension within their own relationship as well.
10. Missed Opportunities for Growth:
Relationships can be a source of growth and learning. When information is hidden, both people miss out on the opportunity to learn from each other and strengthen their bond.
- Example: David keeps his struggles with public speaking a secret from his colleagues. He avoids opportunities to present projects or participate in meetings. This not only limits his professional growth but also prevents his colleagues from offering support or guidance.
Remember:
Open and honest communication is essential for healthy relationships.
Even small omissions can have a snowball effect over time.
If you find yourself withholding information, consider the potential consequences and whether it’s rooted in fear of judgment or a desire to protect the relationship.
How to deal with it- 5 ways
Here are 5 ways to deal with lies by omission, along with actionable steps you can take:
1. Address the Omission Directly, But Calmly :
- Identify the Omission: The first step is to pinpoint the specific information that was withheld. Gather your thoughts and consider the situation carefully.
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Don’t confront the person in the heat of the moment. Pick a calm and private setting where you can have a focused conversation.
- Focus on Feelings, Not Accusations: Instead of attacking the person, explain how the omission made you feel (hurt, confused, disrespected). “I felt hurt when I found out you were taking night classes. I would have appreciated knowing about this important decision in your life.”
- Listen Actively: Give the other person a chance to explain their reasons for withholding the information. Listen without interrupting and try to understand their perspective.
Action step:
- Schedule a dedicated time to talk – “Hey, I’d like to talk about something that’s been bothering me. When are you free to chat?”
- Use “I” statements – “I felt hurt when…”
- Focus on understanding – “Can you tell me why you didn’t tell me about…?”
2. Assess the Intent Behind the Omission :
Understanding why the information was withheld can help determine the best course of action.
- Fear of Upset: Perhaps the person was afraid of your reaction, worried you might be disappointed, or disagree with their decision.
- Protecting You: In some cases, the person might have withheld information to shield you from worry or stress.
- Protecting Themselves: Sometimes, people lie by omission to avoid embarrassment, shame, or fear of judgment.
Action step:
- Consider the context – Was this an isolated incident, or a pattern of behavior?
- Reflect on your communication style – Do you have a history of overreacting or being overly judgmental?
- Offer reassurance – “I understand you might have been worried about my reaction, but I value your honesty.”
3. Determine the Impact of the Omission :
Not all lies by omission are created equal. Consider the severity of the information that was withheld and its impact on the relationship.
- Minor Omissions: Perhaps they forgot to mention a small purchase or a casual conversation with someone you don’t know well. While honesty is always preferred, a minor omission might not be a major cause for concern.
- Significant Omissions: However, withholding important information, like financial problems, career changes, or health concerns, can have a significant impact on trust and decision-making within the relationship.
Action step:
- Be honest about the impact – “This omission made me feel like I can’t trust you with important information.”
- Focus on moving forward – “How can we rebuild trust and ensure openness in the future?”
4. Prioritize Open Communication Going Forward :
Building trust requires a commitment to open and honest communication, even when it’s difficult.
- Create a Safe Space for Sharing: Let the person know you’re open to hearing their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
- Practice Active Listening: Pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues. Show genuine interest in their perspective.
- Use “I” Statements: Express your own needs and feelings clearly. “I feel more secure in our relationship when we communicate openly.”
Action step:
- Schedule regular check-ins – Dedicate time each week or month to discuss any concerns or unresolved issues.
- Express appreciation for honesty – “I appreciate you being upfront with me about this, even though it was difficult.”
- Be willing to compromise – Open communication is a two-way street. Be willing to listen and consider their perspective as well.
5. Seek Professional Help if Needed :
If communication breakdowns are persistent or causing significant distress, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor.
- Couples Therapy: A therapist can help couples identify communication patterns and develop strategies for more open and honest communication.
- Individual Therapy: Individual therapy can help you understand your own needs and communication styles, and how they might be impacting your relationships.
Action step:
- Research therapists in your area – Look for therapists specializing in couples counseling or communication issues.
- Suggest couples therapy – “I think talking to a therapist together might be helpful for us to improve our communication.”
- Be open to individual therapy – If your partner is hesitant about couples therapy, consider suggesting individual therapy for yourself to explore your communication needs.
What are the 4 types of lying?
- There are four categories of lies to be aware of:
1. White Lies
- People frequently tell these tiny lies to spare others’ feelings. Telling someone their new outfit looks great even though it doesn’t, for instance.
2. Omission Lies
- These are lies of omission, in which a person withholds details that would alter how a situation is perceived. For instance, failing to inform your friend that their partner is unfaithful to them.
3. Bold Faced Lies
- These are blatant lies intended to mislead. Telling someone you have a degree when you don’t, for instance.
4. Lies of exaggeration
- These are falsehoods in which the facts are twisted to heighten the drama or impact of a narrative. Saying you caught a fish that was ten times larger than it actually was is one example.
Is lying by omission a form of gaslighting?
- Gaslighting can involve lying by omission, but this isn’t always the case.
- Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation technique in which an individual attempts to cause another person to doubt their reality, recollections, or interpretation of events. Usually, lies, misleading information, and information withholding are used to accomplish it. Because lying by omission entails withholding information that could alter someone’s perception of reality, it can be employed as a tactic in gaslighting.
- Someone may cause someone else to doubt their account of events, for instance, if they persistently withhold information about a situation. This can lead to doubts about memory or reality, which is a common gaslighting technique.
- Gaslighting, however, is not always lying by omission. Other reasons why people withhold information occasionally include confrontational anxiety or a wish to avoid offending someone. To identify whether the behavior is gaslighting, it is critical to take the context and intent into account.
In a nutshell:
Lying by omission can result in betrayal feelings, loss of respect, emotional distance, decreased honesty, decreased loyalty, and even the loss of love. It can also cause a breach of trust, intimacy loss, communication breakdown, and unresolved conflicts.
It’s critical to understand the consequences of lying by omission and to communicate with your partner in an open and sincere manner. Finding and working on the ideal solution together can be greatly facilitated by couples counseling.
Think about your motivations if you find it difficult to share information with your partner. Is it because you’re worried about how they’ll react? Do you worry that they will view you negatively or judge you? Or are you just unwilling to face the possible repercussions of disclosing the information? You can work on overcoming those fears and developing a stronger, more sincere relationship with your partner by recognizing the reasons behind your lies by omission.