I had been with a guy for 1 year, hoping, waiting that things would finally see the sun…
…unless it didn’t.
I waited, gave hints, approached directly only to realize the guy wasn’t interested in me.
Things can get so confusing sometimes. You hold hands, kiss under the stars, expose your vulnerabilities, invest so much time, and literally do everything a happy couple share Instagram stories about.
But how do you approach a situation where the guy is into you and not into you, too?
You hold on. And you hold on longer.
You keep alive the love in your heart, hold onto the relationship before finally accepting God’s different plans for your future. And then you choose yourself over others. You choose self-love and give yourself the respect you deserved from someone who quit long ago.
That’s what I did too until the bubble burst. But why would anyone linger on so long? Why didn’t I or anyone like me see the truth before the hurt began piercing the heart?
Let’s find out:
5 Reasons Why People Hold Onto The Relationship
Here’s what I figured out based on my experience about why people hold onto the relationship despite their gut feeling telling them it’s not worth the effort:
They are excited about plunging into the dating game
If this is not their first-time dating experience, most people hold onto the relationship because they are way too excited about the idea of falling in love to see the red flags. They finally happen to connect with someone after much caution and happen to ignore things going awry.
They fall prey to manipulation
Although the partner might not be consciously doing it, people holding onto the relationship might be emotionally manipulated to stay longer. This gives them false hopes. Some of the very common tactics of emotional manipulation include:
- Changing the subject
- Silent treatment
- Denial or lying
- Using fear to control the person
Mostly in relationships, as much as people fall in love with the person, they are in love with the effort and investment they put into the relationship. Considering people put themselves so much out there and give that bond a priority that they hold onto the relationship, thinking things might change
Fear of loneliness
There’s an existing fear of loneliness. They believe a fake relationship is better than no relationship at all. It usually happens because of bad judgment capabilities and low self-esteem. Considering they have experienced the hurt of being lonely before, they find it hard to accept the truth.
They are caregivers
Some people have the habit of fixing the situation or people. This could be a pattern since childhood or could have developed due to multiple failing relationships. They feel it’s their responsibility or obligation to work continuously on the situation.
However, before you emotionally drain yourself, you should see the signals well on time about why holding onto the relationship won’t serve any purpose.
Why You Should Not Hold Onto The Relationship But Walk Away
You might hold onto the relationship a little longer than you think by the skin of your teeth but it won’t last long. It will just act as a slow poison to your mental health.
You let down the pillars of your heart and became vulnerable. You just took the risk and thought you’ll be mature enough if this fails but well, you aren’t that cool and it stung very hard.
Below are a few reasons you should avoid holding onto the relationship that is already non-existent and pick up the courage to move forward in life:
- Know that you deserve better than someone who is playing hide and seek with you. Because of the fact that you have good values to stick with for so long with him, you deserve someone who has similar good values as yours.
- You have already witnessed enough red flags and learned your relationship lessons. Don’t stay longer and just hurt yourself. Your world revolves around him, and his, around himself.
- You have already done enough hard work for him and if you don’t see the same happening from his end, drive away and grab a better guy.
- If he wanted something long-term, he would have expressed it clearly rather than evading the subject. If you don’t see clear signs despite showing your interest, stop being an ad-hoc partner for him.
Being in a whether-or-not-it-is-a-relationship situation is painstakingly difficult and frankly, you have better things to do. So, hold on to your self-esteem tight and make your way out of the unhealthy bond rather than holding onto the relationship that is only killing you slowly.