Unabashed Emotions

Forgiveness in Marriage: When It’s Okay to Not Forgive Your Spouse

By unabashedemotions


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Table of Contents

Defining forgiveness in marriage

Forgiveness is a term that often stirs up strong emotions. It is seen as a virtue, and many people believe that it is necessary for a healthy marriage. However, what does forgiveness actually entail? Is it simply a matter of saying sorry and moving on? According to Christian teachings, forgiveness is a more complicated process than that.

“The Bible says,[1] “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). This verse does not mean that we should overlook sin or ignore wrongdoing. It means that we are to do our best to correct the problem and bring harmony back to our marriage.” -Dave Ferguson

Firstly, it is important to understand that forgiveness does not mean condoning the behaviour that led to the hurt in the first place. To forgive someone does not mean that you have to like what they have done or approve of it in any way. 

All it means is that you are willing to let go of the anger or bitterness that you have towards the person and let the past be in the past. You may need to take some time to come to terms with the situation before you can be truly forgiving, but the most important thing is to remember that the decision to forgive is one that only you can make.

The importance of forgiveness in a marriage

Forgiveness is one of the most important things in a marriage. It is a relationship glue that keeps the two together through thick and thin. Forgiveness is essential to the success of a marriage because it enables partners to move forward and rebuild trust.

“Forgiveness” is a 2011 book by[1] Gary Chapman, dealing with forgiveness in marriage and other relationships. In the book, the author discusses the importance of forgiving both spouse and partner. When couples are having troubles in their marriage, or they are not getting along well, it is often because they lack the ability to forgive each other for past mistakes and wrongdoings. By learning how to forgive, couples can be free to move on and start afresh in the relationship.

According to the author, there are three kinds of forgiveness: Forgiveness of self, Forgiveness of others, and Forgiveness of God.

Myths about forgiveness

There are many myths about forgiveness. People think that forgiving someone means you are giving them a free pass and they can do whatever they want. Another common belief is that if you forgive someone, it will make them happy and they will stop hurting. However, this is not true.

Forgiveness does not let the person off the hook for what they did to you. Forgiveness does not mean you have to accept the person who hurt you back into your life. Forgiveness does not mean you have to forget what happened. When you forgive someone, it does not undo the pain that has been done to you.

Rather, it allows you to let go of your anger and resentment so you can move on with your life.

1) Letting go of your anger does not mean you are no longer angry or upset.

2) Forgiveness does not mean[1] forgetting what happened. It does not mean that you cannot remember the pain and the hurt that you suffered at the hands of the person who hurt you. It simply means that you have chosen to let go of the anger and bitterness that you have been holding on to for so long so that you can heal and move on with your life.

3) Forgiving someone does[2] not mean that you allow them to hurt you again. It means you have stopped holding a grudge against that person and have forgiven them for the mistakes they have made in the past. It does not mean that you must allow that person into your life again. You are free to say no to any future interactions with that person if you do not want to deal with them.

4) You do not have to accept an apology in order to forgive someone. An apology is unnecessary in order for you to forgive someone. The only thing you need from that person is your forgiveness so that they can go on with their lives and not continue to carry the guilt of their wrongdoings with them forever. 

Reasons when it’s okay not to forgive someone

When it comes to forgiving someone, there are a lot of opinions out there. Some people say that forgiveness is the best way to move on and heal, while others believe that it’s the exact opposite and that holding onto grudges is actually a healthier way to handle the situation. So who is right?

Let’s look at the reasons when it’s okay not to forgive someone:

Your health comes first – Holding on to anger isn’t healthy for anyone involved. Forgiveness can make you feel better in the short term, but it causes long-term damage to the body. Over time, this can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, and even cancer.

Lies don’t make you forgive them – If someone has hurt you in a way that you can’t forgive them, you need to trust your instincts and not let them back into your life.

Cheating doesn’t make you forgive them – It doesn’t matter how small the transgression was; if someone cheated on you once, there’s a good chance they’ll do it again unless you tell them that what they did was wrong and that you don’t want to see them again.

Abuse doesn’t justify staying together – Abusive relationships aren’t healthy and you shouldn’t stick around with them just because they’re family. If you stay with them, you’re putting yourself in danger and you’re helping them to continue the abuse.

Letting go of past pain isn’t easy, but it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault.

What happens when we don’t forgive someone

Forgiveness is a crucial part of any healthy relationship. When someone wrongs us, it can be difficult to hold onto that anger and resentment. It can be even harder to forgive that person. Yet holding a grudge and refusing to forgive can poison our relationship with the person and cause irreparable damage.

Holding onto anger or bitterness not only hurts the person who caused us pain, it eats away at our own lives and robs us of joy and peace. When we refuse to forgive, we are telling ourselves that we are not capable of letting go, not strong enough to withstand whatever hurt we have suffered. Ultimately, this negative self-talk weakens our resolve and makes us vulnerable to depression.

Forgiveness is an act of love; it is the healing power that frees us from past hurts and allows us to move forward into a healthier future. It strengthens our ability to trust again, allowing new relationships to grow and flourish. When we’re able to forgive those who hurt us, we make room for our own healing and personal growth. 

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