Bringing up the Past in Relationships: Reasons & Tips for Letting Go

Most of us go through a past we are not so proud of. It could be for any reason, be it the person we were with, the way the relationship ended, or for any other reasons. It takes us quite a lot of time to heal from it. 

When we are healed and ready, we decide to get into a new relationship or get married.

The person we decide to get married to has the right to know how and what your past has been. Does it have to be from the word go? No, not necessary. 

You can let them know you’ve had a past and will talk about it as the two of you get comfortable. But once the past has been spoken of and the air is clear between the two of you, then bringing up the past in the relationship repeatedly is not a good thing. 

Bringing up the past, again and again, becomes frustrating. If you are comparing them with your previous partners they are not going to like it. 

The previous relationship ended for a reason. If everything was so good with the previous partner, it shouldn’t have ended. So respect your partner, maintain boundaries, and stop bringing up the past. 

You know you have to stop bringing up the past, but what are the reasons you keep talking about your past? 

5 reasons for keep bringing up the past

Here are 5 reasons you keep bringing up the past:-

1. You haven’t stopped loving them yet

Even though you are married to another person, you haven’t stopped loving your previous partner. You are still very much in love with them. 

2. The two events were very close

The breakup and your marriage might have been too close together and didn’t really give you time to get over everything and heal yourself completely. 

3. Still in touch with them

Being in constant touch with your ex even after being married to someone else is not healthy for the current relationship and is also very disrespectful.

4. You were forced into the marriage

As bizarre as this may sound, there are times and reasons you are forced to marry someone else, and that is what causes the continuous topic of discussion.

5. Regret

Regret is the worst thing to feel after you decide to move on. Regret could be in any form, either leaving your previous partner or getting into a new one when you aren’t ready for one. 

These are 5 reasons you keep bringing up the past.

Relationship conflict – still fighting about the same old things

Don’t keep bringing up the past, it’s just going to cause conflicts and problems between the two of you. If you keep fighting over the same old thing, it will ruin your relationship. 

Once you are done with it, be done with it, don’t nag the person about either their past mistakes or how your past lover was. Someone will listen to it once or twice, but after that, their patience will wear thin, and they won’t accept such behavior of yours. 

If at all they are, they really do love you, and it’s time for you to get over your previous partner and give your current relationship a new chance.  

Now that you have finally decided you want to let go of your past and start investing in your current relationship, here are some ways of letting go of your past and moving on to a healthy relationship.

10 tips for letting go of the past and moving on to a healthy relationship

Here are 10 ways to move on and start a healthy relationship;

1. Accept your current partner

Let go of whatever was in the past, good or bad. Accept what is in the current and learn to accept your partner with open arms. 

2. Communicate correctly

Talk to your partner openly about the things that are comfortable with and uncomfortable with. Make sure they understand you, and you understand them. 

3. Respect their choices

Every human is different, and so is everyone’s choice. So respect their choices and don’t expect them to change their way of liking and living to change in a night’s time. 

4. Set up boundaries

If you feel that respecting choices is becoming blurry sometimes then set up boundaries between the two of you and stick to them till you feel comfortable with each other.

5. Take it slow

Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed with all the changes you are trying to make in your life. Take a day at a time and go slow so that it does not become too much to handle.

6. Accept their flaws

No human being is perfect, and that includes your partner as well. If they are open to accepting their flaws, you should be open to accepting them for what they are without making them feel like shit about themself. 

Here are some ideas to get yourself out of the mess and make your relationship more peaceful.

7. Learn to co-exist

Rather than being at each other’s throats, learn to live with each other and to coexist peacefully.  

8. Concentrate on yourself

While accepting and respecting them, also concentrate on yourself. Don’t let yourself be battered in all the changes you are making that the real you is no more recognizable. 

Also read: I Need You To Know That Self-Love Is A Slow Process & It’s Okay If You Struggle At Times

9. Be aware of your flaws

Everyone learns from their mistakes, and you are no different. Mistakes are in the past and not repeating them in the present or future is important. So know your flaws and work on them but don’t beat yourself for it. 

10. Lastly, seek expert help

If nothing seems to work out and everything is going down south, then seeking help from an expert is important before things become too ugly to handle.

Wrapping up

These are 10 ways you can let go of your past and have a healthy relationship.

Tying everything together and bringing up the past is not a good thing, nor is bringing up past mistakes in relationships. Learn to accept yourself first and then your partners. 

Let go of what was in the past and focus on the present and build your future together. 

It’s ok to take your time to get over, but getting over is of utmost importance. So heal yourself before things go down and you regret your behavior.